I Know Whom I Believed

Confession time. I don't think I am particularly good at this parent gig. By now you would think I had learned a thing or two. It was certainly my hope that I could answer the big concerns for my offspring, that I could share my joy, lend a comforting shoulder to cry on, have some defining answers to life's big questions. But in reality, I see what is occurring and struggle with the implications of the events.
It would help if all my chicks would be in the same place, emotionally, at the same time. Profound joy for one, profound sadness for another, profound worry for another, I am simply not bright enough to balance all the responses from the emotional continuum with grace or ability. It was my understanding that as the chicks became adults I would be able to divest myself of the day to day worry. That the prayers would only be about the good things in life, that the worry would shift, somehow to the next generation. But I find that we are just as entrenched in the lives of my adult children as we were when they lived under my roof.

How do you leap with exuberance over great news, and hold a sobbing child at the same time? How can you determine with equanimity future trauma in your own life, but be kept up at night about the disappointment, the shift of expectations that your kids have dreamed of. While at the same time kept awake because you are so keyed up with excitement about the news from another child?
The simple answer is, I don't know.
The best I can come up with is that you handle all the news with emotional and relational integrity. You laugh with the one who is joyful, you cry with the one who is hurt, you pray with the one who worries you. Sometimes you just have to do it all at once. Unashamed of the joy, or the tears, or the terror. I witnessed my bride struggle with all of that this weekend, and do it with unabashed honesty, this is probably why I love her so. She handles it all with such grace and compassion and empathy.

It also helps that I believe there is a bigger plan than we can envision. I have to believe that this is not all just random chance, that there is a higher power, who will make sure this resolves with us all in a good place. The words to the old hymn keep coming to my mind:
But, I know whom I believed,
and am persuaded that He is able
To keep that which I've committed
Unto Him against that day
You see, my bride and I "committed" all these chicks to the one who "is able" from the earliest days. In my minds eye, He smiles over the joy, weeps with brokenhearted, comforts the disillusioned. I guess that is why we call Him "Father" It goes with the territory.

Godspeed on this journey, I guess sometimes it is a little uphill, but with great reward at the top.
Don