In the last 15 months Bev and I have lost her mom, my dad, and now to finish the journey, my step-mom. They were all in their 90's and it is easy and right to say they lived and loved a long time. From each of them I learned a lot about life and more importantly the end of life.
Mimi came to us after my mother died in 1982, she married my dad in 1983. It was a whirlwind romance and an intimidating task of melding two families. The kids were all grown and there was already a healthy start of grandkids on both sides. I have no idea what her dreams were for this large and expanding family. I'm sure she had visions of holidays and birthdays and family reunions being this Hallmark moment to be repeated over and over again.
There had to be sobering moment when she realized there were stubborn and opinionated kids on both sides. My mother had only been gone for a few months and there was still grief and loneliness that only death can provide. The Ware boys were having to learn to share their mom. It was an explosive mixture.
After a few attempts to persuade the kids to gather in person and gather in mind she came to the conclusion that these kids (particularly the stubborn group she inherited) would have to be dealt with differently than she imagined.
So here is where the lesson kicked in. I listened yesterday to the recounting of stories, memories, sayings, by the mixed group of these stubborn kids from years ago. And she taught me again that the way to get these people to come together was actually pretty simple and ingenious at the same time.
She decided to love all the grandkids as they were her very own. It is really difficult to find a picture of her over the past 38 years that do not have grandkids draped all over her. It mattered little if they were Wares or Jollys, it didn't matter if they were boys or girls. She would play dress up, wade in the creek and get muddy, she would cook and mend and hug and kiss and pray. She loved them into us loving her. How do you push back against someone loving on your kids with such abandon?
And all the while she loved my dad. As you know from other blogs he was the guiding moral compass in my life. He was not a philosopher or a complicated person. He simply treated people right, he never lied, and he loved his wife with all his heart. Their lives were complicated at the end. Physical capabilities diminished almost daily. But at the end she would comfort and with no reservation left in her, tell me exactly what I needed to be doing to help him. Even as her health failed she fought for him. So my lesson is that I will fight for my bride as long as I have breath. I will try to accomplish what she needs done. Lesson well taught, Mimi.
The last one. It is hard not to feel a little abandoned. I hope I can remember all they have taught me. It is hard to discern who taught me what. It is hard to tell a story about one and not include the other. They taught me that when the marriage is strong and committed, it becomes a story of two.
Godspeed, Mimi. You will be missed. Kiss dad for me.
Don
