Tuesday, September 30, 2008

This is HARD!

Several years ago I became intrigued with the spiritual disciplines. Silence, solitude, prayer, study, meditation, service, simplicity, sacrifice, celebration, worship, tithing, confession, journaling, all held a fascination for me. I read (and re-read) Foster's Celebration of Discipline, Dallas Willard, Nouwen, and others. In fact, sometimes it is easier to READ about the disciplines than it is to actually practice them.
So it still disconcerts me to realize that there are periods in my life when the disciplines are hard, unrewarding, and very difficult to maintain. American Christians, including me, struggle with the notion that sometimes we have to persevere in an effort whether we see results or not. This is counter to what our culture tells us. We are told that we can have it all, we have rights, we are the chosen. In reality we are the ones who will not only stand in judgment for our lavish indulgence, but for our lack of discipline as well. We are at the core of us, self-centered.
So what is the problem?
I believe it is two-fold.
1. We don't truly believe the promises of God. We love the benefits of being called believers, but we don't deeply, honestly believe. Scripture tells several stories of what the kingdom is like.
Imagine that our spouse comes home and proudly announces, " pack your clothes, leave everything else. I sold it all to buy a field that I know has a pearl worth more than we can dream of or imagine!"
I want to see this pearl, I want it appraised, furthermore, I want a buyer lined up before we put all our stuff up for sale. How much more? I can imagine a lot. What do we do until all these transactions take place. Never mind, I like my house and clothes and stuff, this pearl idea is just a scam.
Which leads to number 2. What could God possibly offer me that I don't already have. We have a beautiful home, good kids, a decent job, a lovely wife. We eat well and whenever we want. We can buy most of the things we want. Show me this kingdom., and then I will decide.
But here's the catch. Somewhere underneath all this affluence is the creepy little feeling that we are, indeed, missing something, something important. We realize that just a few short months after they plant us in the ground they will be saying, "do you remember the guy that wrote those blogs? what was his name?"
Our significance is bound up in the glory of the kingdom. We exercise the disciplines because those are the habits of kingdom residents. It is not always easy, in fact it is usually difficult, but it is necessary.
Godspeed, my friends. Stay on the path, it will lead us home.
Don

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Tipping Point

Here I sit at Starbucks with my Pike's Place and my danish, 7AM, trying to solve one of the great mysteries of life. I am out and about early because the lady who comes to help clean the house arrived at 6:45, and it makes me highly uncomfortable to be there when she cleans.
Here is the mystery. I spent a portion of last night and this morning straightening up for the cleaning lady. Let that sink in for a moment. Her job is to clean, but I can't stand having her show up to a cluttered house. Am I that poorly wrapped? My self-esteem is so low I can't bear to have someone I hardly know make judgments about me and how I live. So I grabbed my briefcase, some reading material, a quick kiss from my bride and scurried out. Avoidance is a wonderful thing.
But my despair over my inability to handle this revelation only got worse as I began to realize that this aspect of my nature reaches deeply into everything I do.

Church: we go to the effort of getting nicely dressed, argue and snip at our family on the way to church, then with a broad smile and warm handshake we greet our friends and glibly assure everyone that life is indeed grand in every way. The kids are the best (although a little shell shocked from being verbally roughed up in the car.) The marriage is still full of romance (although the last 2 miles were traveled in stony silence.) Career is in full swing (although the meeting on Monday creates night sweats and a very heavy feeling in the chest.) Other than that, though, the greetings at church are genuine.

Work: senior management has taken years to get to, and all I can think of is a way to get a day off. We act confident, but dread the constant conflict. Everyone else seems to have it together, and half the time I can't find my stuff. I worry over events I can't control, and stress over the people who make my life miserable. But all this is hid behind a very good act. Confidence, ability, strength, visionary, are all words we like to assign, but in reality fear, uncertainty, stress and mild annoyance at nearly everyone permeates this dual life.

You see where all this is going.
I like old people. They have reached the age where they can simply live life honestly. My observation is that half of the old folks I know are genuinely fun and you simply can't ruffle them. They approach everyone with a spirit and humility (about others and themselves) that is just fun to be around. The other half are grumpy, cranky, and outspoken. They tell it like it is, whether you want to hear it or not.

I'm at the tipping point. It can still go either way. Part of the time I really enjoy interacting with folks regardless of their station in life (although I do prefer blue collar over white collar, they are a little more honest about life.) The other half of my life these are the thoughts that run through my mind:
"Pull your pants up, you look like a punk!"
"Turn that crap down!"
"The speed limit is not a suggestion! Slow down before you kill somebody!"
"Leave me alone, I have the turn indicator on because I will turn left eventually!"

To sum it all up, my bride of 33 years keeps asking me this question: "How old ARE you?"
Well, I'm old enough to make the lady cleaning the house do ALL the work, next week, maybe.

I liked last years model of me better.
Godspeed my friends, and lets be honest out there.
Don

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Cultural Discernment

Last week was a tough week in my travels. L.A. on Monday early, then on to Reno for a trade show, and home late Saturday night. Sometimes I feel that the body can be shuttled from one place to the next at supersonic speeds, but the spirit travels by ground, taking time to catch up.
There is a surreal aspect of traveling as well, in that the news of the world is caught in bits and pieces and the full story not really understood until the traveler has a chance to get home, see what is happening and has time to reflect on the events shaping our world.

With all that said, I was not able to hear the full story on the financial crisis in our world until yesterday, and contemplate what it all means.
And as I contemplated the reverberations of this event, it occurred to me that the moral fiber that America has always been so proud of will be sorely tested in this event. How will we respond? Accusations are flying, finger-pointing by political candidates is in every sound bite, pundits are telling us that we will lose it all; our savings, our investments, our security, our homes, even our babies will be born naked. The sky is indeed falling.
So how do we handle this? We worship at the golden altar of security only to find that the altar is not golden at all, but a shiny, poorly crafted, card table, with wobbly legs and not enough chairs. Now what?
Well, we need to look again at the real problem. We have lost our way morally. This is not a conversation to point our fingers at others who are different, or assign the current hardship to God's revenge. When I say morally, I'm talking about the fact that our entire significance is based on the all-important "me." We are involved in a system that habitually abuses people who are not very fortunate to begin with. While our single-minded pursuit of security may not be the cause of their hardship, it is a part of the system that utilizes this misfortune.
This time will, indeed, test us. Are we willing to live lives that help others? even when we are suffering? Are we willing to cash in our chips in the blame game and use our resources for others? Can we return again to the deep and important meanings of words like honor, integrity, compassion when it seems certain that we will be destroyed financially. You see, morality is simply doing the right thing at the risk of losing everything.
My brother compiled a book called Do Not Be Afraid, which is a collection of stories about people staring into the dark unknown, but called to do the right thing. These are stories of tragedy and doubt, but also of courage and moral firmness. We live in frightening times, but these are also times of incredible moral opportunities. We need to be a voice of hope and discernment about what is really at play.
Godspeed, my friends.
Don

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Marriage is what brings us together, today.

When we arrived at the church we are currently using as our base camp, we discovered that they had dedicated the entire day (and following week) to enriching, enhancing marriages. As I looked over the 10 sessions and the worship assemblies, and the combined classes, it seemed a little overwhelming, and made me glad I was traveling all week. That is a lot of information for someone to take in, much less put into use on a regular basis. I could look at the guys and see their eyes glazing over as they read the topics, Parenting 101, Ideal Marriage, How to Affair-proof your marriage, on and on and on. I guarantee you guys have a pretty simple approach to this topic. 1. how do I handle the terror-inducing comment, "we need to talk" Yikes! what I have done now? This brings on instant mental inventory, what could it be? was it something today? did I forget an important day? did I lose a kid? nope they are all accounted for....
And 2. How is this going to result in more "action"?
Ladies, I'm sorry, we are pretty simple creatures, all the theory in the world isn't going to help if we don't get a few solid tips on how to handle the above two concerns.

Okay, here are my tips for making a marriage last:
1. It is the guy's fault...we need to change. pray the man's prayer:
Lord, I will change, if I have to, I guess. Amen.
2. Take over doing the laundry. Wait, hear me out, there are benefits.
First a little primer on doing laundry.
A. There are two color categories; white and others. Separate them into two piles, wash them separately, they will not stay separate in the washer...I know, I've tried.
B. There is a little tag in women's clothes, on shirts it is in the side seam (the line running from the arm pit to the bottom of the shirt) in little tiny letters it will tell you how to wash and dry the garment. Most will say, wash in warm or cold water, hint: wash everything on cold. Now, you have to set the water temp with all those crazy little dials on the machine, set everything the same (cold). To dry, good luck, you're going to take some criticism because women don't follow the instructions either. Line dry all jeans, your wife can explain it.
C. Wash and dry on Saturday, it is not a constant job, just check on it every hour or so and keep the groups going. Why Saturday? Because....
D. Fold on Sunday while watching the game. Brilliance! You are not a couch potato, ignoring the family, you are "folding clothes!" At half-time, take them to each person's room (folded) and set them in front of their dressers, now you are teaching them responsibility. How cool is this plan.
One more benefit/insight if you have preteen or teenage daughters. You won't be able to tell their underwear from your wife's (or if you can, don't admit it) I mixed them up intentionally, you are covertly complimenting your wife, and you are mortifying your daughters. I call that a win-win.
Don't worry about boy's underwear, there is usually only one pair for the week.
3. Date your wife (another blog) but a friend of mine used to say that on their anniversary he would "treat her like a girlfriend, instead of a wife." Hmmm, I'm not sure what he meant, but I hope he meant treat her with romance and consideration, but again another blog.

These hints should cut down on the terrifying question (not completely, because let's face it, we usually have something that needs to be discussed) For some reason, when guys help with the laundry and dishes and kids, the wives seem to have more energy and interest for the really fun stuff.
So, when you finish filing all those handouts from the seminar, make sure you have plenty of clothes soap, and the schedule for Sunday's game.
Godspeed, guys.
Don

Friday, September 12, 2008

Thundering Silence

I read the following quote the other day and since it resonated so deeply with me, I thought I would share it with you.

"Jesus has a very special love for you, but as for me, the silence and emptiness is so great, that I look and do not see, -listen and do not hear- the tongue moves {in prayer} but does not speak.."

Several years ago I developed a fascination for, what Dallas Willard calls, "spiritual habits." Prayer being the foundation of these habits. I read Foster's book Celebration of Discipline every three years, one chapter a week for reflection and recommitment to the habits of a spiritual life. My journal (started in 2002) is filled with prayers I have written, psalms that are lifted to God, honest struggles about my shortcomings, questions to God and about God. I am fully vested in the spiritual journey. So when I read the quote above, it made sense to me because, you see, all I hear is a thunderous silence.
There has been ample opportunity for me to spend large chunks of time in prayer, the darkness of having a daughter who is in her third battle with cancer, losing my mom when she was only 57, losing my ministry after gambling our future and my marriage, having those who should have been caring for me and about me wounding me the deepest, these are the very circumstances of deep and meaningful prayer. To be curled up on the floor, legs drawn to your chest, your arms wrapped tightly around your knees and your forehead squeezed as closely as possible to the tops of your knees, rocking back and forth imploring God to please end the pain, then you understand the depths that the human soul can plummet. To implore God for release from the darkness of the trauma and to hear......nothing. The silence roaring in your ears and in your heart, to reach the point where you wonder if you are, after all is said and done, alone.

Yes, I "get" the quote above. But I also read of my savior on a cross, crying out, "why have you forsaken me?" or in my head, "Where are you now, when I need you the most?" You see he stood on the threshold of darkness and prayed and heard....nothing. He had to approach the threshold of darkness just like us, on faith.
Prayer is the articulation of faith, it is not the measure of faith. So we keep on doing what we should do, helping those less fortunate, carrying their backpacks if need be, resting when we have to. We need to be honest enough, though, to make sure that when others ask us about our journey that we can say, "I don't know all the answers, I just do the next right thing." and we have faith that this integrity of spirit will be rewarded.
By the way, the quote was from a letter written by Mother Theresa to her postulator, her spiritual guide.
Godspeed my friends.
Don

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Disorganized Religion

This blog is being posted after I have taken the mandatory 24 hours to cool down about the events I'm going to comment on. A very dear and competent friend of mine was fired from his ministry position due to it not being a "good fit." The church was one of those multi-site, techno-churches that is supposed to have its act together, with one of the favorite pulpit guys in the tribe. My friend is one of the most inventive, gifted, dedicated young men I have ever met. He is enthusiastic, hard working, focused, and Spirit driven in the best sense of the word. So what happened? Who knows? I'm betting he can't give you a clear description. So here are some of my observations about church "management"
1. Any organization that leaves the final decision-making to a group of untrained amateurs is bound to fail. Individually, these guys can be the nicest guys in the world, and usually competent decision-makers. Put them in a room together, and you end up with some of the most knuckle-headed decisions, that individually they would never condone or enact.
2. In the rare cases where the protocol of the church is left to ministers, they rarely have management skills, and pile on conflict-avoiders and people pleasers, it becomes easier to fire an associate than to tell a member (or group of members) to grow up.
3. The preservation of the organization is more important than the individuals involved. Have you ever seen a situation where the leadership group took the bold stand of saying, "these are our guys, we are staying with them." By the way, have you ever noticed that when a minister is hired it is Spirit-led, but there is no Spirit when the firing takes place? I wonder where all that goes, was he brought in by the Spirit? if so, what right do elders/senior ministers/deacons have to fire him? Look it up, there is no mention in scripture for that kind of authority, none. But even if you do fire him, if the concern is spread equally between members and ministers (particularly the one fired) have you ever heard of the management group staying in contact with the fired minister to make sure he is okay? Too bad that the concept of "shepherding" gets tossed, this is when it is needed the most. Beverly and I have gone two years since we were bounced out of ministry and not one elder from that group has called to say, "you guys okay? found a church home? Can we help?" We've heard from members, a lot of them, no one from the leadership.
The ministry casualty rate in churches today would make a battle-hardened platoon squeamish. you ever wonder why it takes so long to fill a ministry position? Because there are fewer and fewer ministry candidates that are still naive enough to stick their heads in that crocodile's mouth. How sad, how epically sad for the kingdom.
anyway, for all you guys/gals still in that world, Godspeed. You are going to need it.
Don

Monday, September 8, 2008

Something Good

The past several years have been trying times for Beverly and I and the entire church scene. We (and more specifically me) have been rejected at two churches. One because I wanted to go into full time ministry, the other because I wanted to stay in full time ministry, but because my perception of church leadership differs drastically from the conventional view of church leadership, these events have caused us to currently view ourselves as "members at large."
But yesterday was a good day. I got all misty about two young people who wanted to be baptized, and they were kids I didn't even know.
A little back story. Seven years ago or so I made the acquaintance at a men's group gathering at our local church. I was serving as an elder at the time and I thoroughly enjoyed spending time with the guys who were 15 years younger. We had a lively Wednesday night class, good retreats, honest discussions.
One night a guy showed up who was all muscles and testoterone. Brash and outspoken, he intrigued me, because he made no bones about the fact that he felt a lot of this "church" stuff was nonsense. He bragged that, as far as he knew, he had never prayed, and frankly, didn't see the point now. Never challenge a salesman. At the time there was a few of us meeting for breakfast at Cracker Barrel and praying with each other. This guy shows up and at least changed the vocabulary of our little group.
Over time it became obvious that he was well versed in substance abuse, the tax man was after him, and his wife was ready to jettison the whole deal. We developed an honest conversation about the real truths of life. When he asked me questions about something I couldn't answer I told him so, but over time and a lot of talk, he came to an understanding of God's will.
There are a lot of turns and twists, failures and triumphs, moments of joy and moments of heartache, and yes moments of frustration, this story was one where I learned that long term disciple making takes a multi-year commitment from the discipler. We spoke almost everyday, but the short story is that he is now a growing believer, with his family intact, running his career with integrity, and is quickly approaching his 10 year pin. I am still amazed that he has made it this far.
So how does this tie into the kids mentioned above? The kids are his niece and nephew, from his brother who was further from the Lord than my friend. His mother attends, he has developed an entire group of people who just a few short years ago were the major causes of his downfall.
Yesterday God allowed me to once again enjoy the harvest of ministry. I was convinced that the exhilaration of teaching and mentoring were gone, but God allowed at least one more moment for me to see the outflowing of his Glory through my life into the lives of others.
As my kids will tell you, it doesn't take much to get me teary eyed, but this time it was right, it was good, and because we share the harvest I was connected to the moment. You just never know where this stuff will end up.
To my friend and to those kids, Godspeed.
Don

Saturday, September 6, 2008

Significance examined

This past week I took my bi-weekly trip to Los Angeles. While passing through first class I recognized Henry Winkler aka The Fonz sitting in first class. While the years have certainly put some lines on my face and changed the color of my hair, it can't be as dramatic for me as it has been for him. Instead of the leather jacket and jeans, the fonz now looks like a slightly rumpled, graying version of an English professor at some mid-western college. Time and space and gravity seems to catch up with all of us, but for those who have lived a rather public life while rather young, the change seems more dramatic. But at least he was sitting in first class, while I was making my way to my seat...28F, last row, window.
After I settled in I watched the folks make their way down the isle, novices looking for their row, veterans stowing their luggage, and trying to be stoic about who would end up in the seat next to them (all flights are completely full now, thanks oil companies for fuel increases)
Of course everyone is a nervous flier, it is a myth that veterans don't feel squeamish about strapping into a metal cylinder, which will be hurtling along at 450 mph, 6 miles above the earth in a jet that will exhibit the same glide path as dropping your car keys, should something go wrong. So we inwardly jump every time there is a bump or a wobble, but we keep our eyes on our computer, or paper, or book, and silently pray that the under-inspected contraption will go up at the right time and down at the right time.
But this experience is great for reflection. So my mind drifted to Henry and the comparison of my perception of his lot in life and mine. Significance is a sliding scale. But as I sat there, wedged between a lady from somewhere in the far east, and the thin metal of the fuselage, it occurred to me that my take on the significance of my life would have to be measured by others who had known me. In that sense, me and the Fonz shared a destiny. We would be evaluated by the friends we helped, the families we raised, the worthwhile accomplishments that contributed to the greater good, rather than the glorified, all-important "me."
It is a paradox that everything we do is motivated by significance, but the value of the significance is measured outside ourselves, by those who knew us.
Henry Winkler was long gone by the time I deplaned at LAX. I wish him and the other 150 strangers the best. We shared a common experience, that could have been tragically extraordinary. But the time of reflection was good, we don't do enough of it. Instead we careen through life, running from one spot to anther, dragging our stuff along, and hoping we don't miss the next flight. Then we look around, much too late, and wonder why the significance of our life has slipped away.
I think next time I will try to get an upgrade. In the meantime, good luck, Fonzi, Godspeed.
Don