Thursday, May 27, 2010

Is It Just My Imagination?

For those who follow this blog, I have mentioned my 2000 Ford Ranger several times. It was the truck that threw itself in front of a charging deer in W. Texas. It is my forced exercise in maintaining a hold on frugality. We are old work partners. This truck has survived a daughter's stint in college. It is just an old truck that is wearing out.
Here is the list:
1. The transmission is going out. When it gets hot, apparently it is stuck in 3rd gear, which means the acceleration is just about equal to mine when I get up in the morning. It (and I) can get to cruising speed, it just takes a little while. This is a little worrisome in Dallas traffic. The Lexus/Camry/BMW crowd blast past with looks of annoyance, while me and my little red truck are trying to make a turn...in 3rd gear.
2. It leaks. Whenever it rains the passenger side floorboard becomes an in-door swimming pool. Now if I let it sit for a day, it becomes a swamp, then a cesspool. I try to get it dry before then.
3. The armrest/console lid is broken. More specifically the latch is broken. So for a couple of days I rode around with it open, then used a large rubber band to sort of close it, then found a perfectly sized strap with a large snap closure. So really this one is fixed and it has that nice black-strap-grey-interior contrast thing going.
4. It has 226,000 miles on the odometer. I bought it when it had 25,000 miles. As a friend of mine said, "it doesn't owe you any money" It has been one durable little truck.
5. The interior dome light got to where it would not turn off..which would run down the battery..which would make me cuss. So I fixed it in my own way..I pulled out the bulb. No interior lights makes for an interesting evening when you are looking for something in the floorboard at night. Cell phone displays are nearly bright enough to do the trick. Of course my bride has this fancy new I-phone with a flashlight app. That really works great.
6. The "clicker" only works on the driver's side to "unlock" It does not work on the passenger side at all. It will not lock the truck. I have taken to leaving it unlocked hoping some punk will steal the thing and save me the turmoil of having to get rid of it. No such luck. Apparently today's punks have higher standards than my little truck.
7. The front air spoil hangs a little low due to a front-end bump I had during an ice storm in Dallas, really just a little kiss to the truck in front of me. But it hangs down a little like a perpetual frown.

So for the past few months I have been looking at other cars. My bride is encouraging me to consider hybrids. I made the mistake of requesting an on-line quote from Ford (Fusion) and Honda (Accord) and Toyota (Prius) and Hyundai (Sonata). BIG MISTAKE. Apparently these folks have nothing else to do but annoy me with follow-up emails. Hyundai does not introduce their Sonata Hybrid until later in 2010, so I'm using that as an excuse to put all the others off.

Now all of a sudden my little truck is running a little better. Someone put the dome light bulb back in and the thing works and hasn't run the battery down. Its a little dim, but better than my blackberry. It still leaks, but it is summer in Dallas, unless I park next to a sprinkler I don't have to worry about it. Do you think the old girl perceives that she about to be replaced? Is it just my imagination that she is trying to keep her spot in the driveway? She probably has heard from the other cars in the parking lots that the next destination is Mexico. All of a sudden this old red Ford Ranger is trying to clean up her act. Could it be?

Naw. This is just my imagination. Isn't it?

Godspeed to all out there who anthromorphize their stuff. Someday all our stuff may turn on us. All new car conversations now happen in the house.
Don

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Building Trust

I am pushing through a book called Integrity: The Courage to Meet the Demands of Reality, by Dr. Henry Cloud. It has a description that says, " how six essential qualities determine your success in business." As a book it is not particularly enlightening, but it is one of the first attempts I have seen where biblical principles (he does not use that term) are applied in the business world. I am more accustomed to the business world influencing our spiritual walk, but that is another matter.

Chapter 5 is "Building Trust Through Extending Favor" It is a chapter on, want to guess? Grace. Huh? But this little chapter gives a pretty good working definition of the term. "Grace is when we extend "favor" to someone, not because they have earned it in some way, but because we just possess it to give. It is a stance in life, a way of being." He is quick to point out that this is not a license to let others take advantage. In fact, this becomes the real battle, extending grace and maintaining a life that is not abused. Our current corporate climate is built more on competition than trust. it is simply easier to treat everyone as an adversary, than a partner. But the point of this little book is to create a different culture, a different way. His point is that we have to change the way we think before we can expect the way we act to change. Orthodoxy always drives orthopraxy, not the other way around.

Here is my question. Are we born with a bent towards grace? or do we develop it? I don't know. I have come to the conclusion that there are generous people and there are people who are not encumbered with the flaw of generosity. Can we teach them differently? I think we move them a little along the continuum from stingy to generous, but I'm not sure they will ever make the entire journey. Being able to extend "favor" or "grace" may be the same way. Some folks may just be born with that chip, while others are not.

I am in the midst of helping develop a company. A primary concept in our interviewing process is one of collaboration, of extending "favor" to each other and to our customers. We will not stand for territorial battles, we will sacrifice talent for team. I don't want us to be uniform, I want us to be unified. Pipe-dream? Maybe. But we are going to give it a shot. We are going to develop partnerships based on trust. This is going to require transparency, forgiveness, and grace. Will it work? I will let you know in a few years.

Godspeed
Don

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Ground Zero

It looks like the new company we have been working on will become a reality. The money has transferred, but not posted. We met for a strategy session in LA yesterday and today. We gathered the entire company together..all four of us. One of the other players works for me, then he went back to the airport and it left three senior officers to discuss our next moves. It occurred to me that we needed to hire somebody, anybody, so we would have someone to boss around. It is a little unsettling to realize that the group that makes it happen is sitting around one small table, each relying on the other to get the job done.

I am excited, anxious, scared, thrilled, exuberant, hesitant, unsure, and positive. You sort out all the conflicting feelings.

But here are a few things that I think work in our favor.

The CEO knows what he is doing. He is genius in pulling together finance, sourcing, operations and distribution. I have blogged about him before, and here is his greatest strength..he is honest. He and I are as different as night and day, literally. I go to bed at 10PM (Texas time, it doesn't matter what time zone I am in) He is a very late night owl. I'm up and at 'em at 5AM (again, Texas time) He is not fully aware of an 8AM (any time zone) I am a hardcore morning person, he is decided not. I play golf and hit the elliptical three times a week, he swims. He is a numbers person, I am a single numbers person, sales dollars. He needs to figure out the rest. But we have a great deal in common. We both care about our people, we both want to work in a culture of openness and collaboration, we both are intensely loyal to the people who share our dreams and we are both dreamers..each in our own way.

Is it possible that God held us all in place to start this at precisely this time? I have never seen a moment in time more ripe with potential than right now. We have talked about this for 2 years. We have run through all the scenarios, he has suffered through job loss and lost everything. But now we have a chance to make this a truly special unique force in a very small industry. It occurs to me that this has all lined up at the right moment and circumstances. I veer away from God taking a personal stake in trivial events, but this one has His fingerprints all over it. This feels right, as in it feels like it is exactly what I need to be doing right now. Ever feel that way?

Finally, this is an opportunity to make a cultural statement in business culture. All my life I have "inherited" the sins and successes of others. I have become pretty adept at deflecting the shortcomings, while selling the strengths of other's dreams. Now it is my turn to develop the dream, to instill it in others, and to finally make a place where people of integrity will want to work. Above all else I want compassionate people, who work hard, who care deeply about what we are trying to do, who understand the priorities of life. We can create that in a corporate structure. I honestly believe we can.

Anyway, if you have followed my journey, whisper a little prayer for me and my little group.
Godspeed
Don

Thursday, May 13, 2010

You Are In My Spot

There is something endearing and slightly alarming about people who do not filter what they say with societal conventions. About my only TV show that I can stand right now is Big Bang Theory, in which there is a character named Sheldon, who simply speaks the truth as he sees it. There is a constant tension where he is trying to figure out the concept of sarcasm. His buddies all understand his lack of discernment, exploit it occasionally, and are surprised each week that he still doesn't "get it". It makes me laugh when people say WHAT WE ARE ALL THINKING.

We all have people in our lives who bring this unfiltered influence into our lives. Actually I have several. There is something at once endearing about them, and sometimes more than slightly alarming about them. I'm sure there are degrees of this societal phenomenon. One of my favorite people is a guy who used to be in youth ministry, who had a little of this trait. I used to kid him that he always chose to carpet bomb a situation when a single sniper might do the trick. He is no longer in church work. Strangely enough churches can't handle the truth. The other guy that comes to mind was the worship leader at our current church campsite. This guy just makes me smile because you never know what he is going to say. I am one of the fringe guys on the praise team, you know the last kid chosen for the touch football team. I'm that guy on the praise team. I am what you might call a "tweener" not a true bass, not a true tenor, but able to pass on either one. On a side note, I can't read music on either, so it kind of evens up. Anyway, one day we were short on basses, so I asked if he wanted me to sing bass..His response, "you will always sing tenor!" No conversation, no doubt, no sugar-coating, no societal filtering. He was not being rude, or ugly, he just felt no compunction to be PC. I have laughed and laughed about that. By the way, he moved out of town and now I sing bass every once in a while. Showed him.

So we have these people and we love them, we cherish them, and we fear what they are going to say. I envy them. However, I have decided that I am not one of them. I can be frank, but I always try to soften the blow. There is great satisfaction for me when I can communicate softly enough that people respond, but can't really put their finger on why they did. I find that intriguing. Perhaps this other Sheldon communication model has to be developed early. That way everyone knows what to expect.

Here's what I think needs to happen. We need one day a year where over our head appears the "thought cloud." You know, like in cartoons, where the character is saying one thing, but the thought cloud reveals exactly what he is thinking. Of course we would have to put in those symbols for words we never say out loud, but other than that we get a free day. You are in my spot. What the h___ is wrong with you? That is one ugly dog/baby/car/outfit. You're an idiot (this one might be so over used we would have to just assume it). I stopped listening to you 15 minutes ago, can I leave now? Do you have a point? Who cares.....

Godspeed out there. Love those who speak the truth..it may not be PC, but in the long run it is what we need.
Don

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Belated Mother's Day

This was a strange Mother's Day for me. Off and on all day my thoughts wandered to my mother. For 28 years I have not spent a lot of time dwelling on her absence. The first few years were tough, but life intrudes and life moves on. Holidays and birthdays, my family growing, my kids needing my time and attention, career and jobs, relocations, life moves on. It did instill in me a deep resentment towards the catch-all illness called "cancer." But as time has slipped by her memory fades a bit, the everyday ache is gone.

Pictures that were pulled out would remind me of her influence in my life. Her auburn hair, her ability to make all of us feel special. She was not a terribly complicated woman, very little formal education, high school and some vocational school, no college. But she had a deep interest in things spiritual. The memories I do retain from my childhood all seem to center around the dinner table. We had full breakfasts every day of the week; eggs, bacon, biscuits. Then on Saturday she would add pancakes to the above. It was with some consternation that I realized that my new bride was not going to provide this same breakfast menu every morning. What I realized much later was that my mom would get up an hour or so before all the rest of us and pray for her family, by name and circumstance. This was how she started her day. All these years later I find myself doing the same.

I also don't remember many weekend lunches or dinners where we did not have "extras." My buddies were all raised under her watchful eye, my brothers and sister would all have friends over and mom would gather them in as hers and love on them, lecture them, whatever seemed to be needed. She raised us all. The dinner table was, at once a place to eat, a place to tease, to argue, to fuss, to laugh. It was her pulpit, her domain, and she welcomed all to it. Perhaps this is where I have developed such a distaste for dining alone. I love the noise and confusion, side-bars, spills and chills. It makes me feel at home..regardless of where I am.

So this past Sunday a few realizations resulted. My son is the same age I was when my mom passed away. I wanted to tell him to appreciate his mom. I want to tell all of you who still are fortunate enough to have your mom's around to appreciate them. They are the glue that holds the family together. I wonder what circumstances would be different had she survived. Who knows? It doesn't do much good to speculate, because she didn't survive. But I do miss her simple wisdom. I miss her making me feel special (she is the only one who would make banana pudding and make me my own helping that was sans bananas; its an entire different story) I miss her willingness to mix it up with anyone on spiritual matters. She would corner the pulpit guys at the church where we attended and discuss her take on their sermons (I wonder where I get it?) And she was usually right. But at her funeral these preachers were just as devastated as the rest of us. She was certainly one of a kind.

This next year I will be her age when she died. Have I made the same impact in the world as she did? I still have women come up to me and tell me how much influence my mom had on their lives because of the young women's class she taught all those years at church. It makes me feel proud and it makes me feel that I am under-utilizing the time I have been given. The newer models just don't have the same amount of steel than the older models did.

I dreamed about her Sunday night. That hasn't happened in years. She hugged me close and said, "I worry about you the most." Great, I'm still a problem.

Godspeed to all out there who have lost your moms, life goes on, but the lessons are eternal. To those who still have them, hug them and let them know they hold a very special and singular place.
Don

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Panic! Then Calmmm

Panic attacks used to be a part of my daily life. They tend to spring up like spring storms, rage around in my psyche for a time, then blow themselves out. You know the feeling, tight chest coupled with anxiety with a dash of fear, panic.

They seem to hit late at night. I'm asleep or in that between-sleep moment. Something gets into my head and the thought strings take me to the worst possible conclusions. It is like running down a very steep hill, the legs are working faster and faster, but the forward body lean is moving faster than the legs. You know you are going to crash. You know it is going to hurt. You know there is nothing you can do about it. Meanwhile your mind is racing, looking for answers, and hoping to survive the crash.

In the midst of all this job search I have not had a single moment of panic...until last night. It hit around 3:30AM, and all I could think of was the way all the possibilities could go away. They could choose someone else, the money won't come in, nothing will turn out right. My eyes popped open with all these thoughts and fears chasing each other around in my head. Sleep was gone and gone for good it seemed.

In the past, this panic would survive for days in my soul. There was a point not a few years ago that I needed prescription help in order to function. For some reason when a grown man bursts into tears during a sales presentation everyone gets really uncomfortable. It only lasted 30 days or so, but there was not any real way to get through the day emotionally. By the way, these prescriptions don't help you feel better, they simply flatten out the emotional ride, so you feel sort of blah all day long. Functional but not fun.

So being far from home (I'm in California trying to get a deal put together) I followed my own advice. All the times before prayer would fill my head, anguished pleas to God to relieve this pain. sometimes it would take a few days, sometimes life just interrupted this part of my attack. I got out of bed, opened my thin-line and read from the psalmist, then prayed. Only in a handful of cases has the calm returned quickly, but this was one of those times. I read for an hour, intermittently praying, and dozed off in the chair. Calm rested again in my soul. Confidence was again restored, life will continue to be led by someone far more adept at living than I am. It is a wonder to behold when the Spirit steps in and does the work.

I am not very good at this spiritual disciplines gig, but I have great interest and belief that it has deep consequences (or results, whichever word you feel comfortable with) The panic attack is over, only a slight tremor in my soul.

Godspeed out there. The hand of God can calm or destroy. I guess it depends on our intent.
Don

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Wanted:

I had an interesting conversation with a friend of mine who happens to be a very good pulpit minister. His congregation is well over 1000 folks and seems to be healthy and growing. I had called to check on him because his area had received about 2' of rain over the weekend and everything was flooding. We talk all the time, but this time there was an actual reason to call. (His house is okay, but several families had to be evacuated)

After he told me all the weather stories, we talked about the changes in our tribe. Who had gone where, which preacher had resigned, etc. I told him about the pulpit guy from my daughter's church resigning, on the heels of the admin minister resigning, on the heels of them letting the children's minister go..lots of empty offices. Anyway, he had counted numerous guys that had left full-time active preaching for other efforts. Some were para-church organizations, some to do something else. His take on it was that if you were 45-55, willing to relocate, and a fair preacher, you could land a job.

But the real question for me was the over-arching question of why these guys were hanging it up. Wasn't this supposed to be the pinnacle of self-fulfilling work? Shouldn't these guys, above all others, feel that their jobs had meaning and significance? Why would you leave this?

The first thought might be money. But I'm here to tell you that these guys make a pretty decent living. Most of the guys in congregations over 600 make six figures. There are good benefits, sabbaticals, vacation, continuing education. Not a bad way to spend your day.

The second thought might be the schedule. Now this one may have merit. You aren't really ever "off." It can be a 24/7 deal if you don't draw pretty clear boundaries. But even then there are expectations that have to be dealt with from the leadership group (I will address that one a little further down)

I have always felt that the pulpit job might demand the widest range of skills of any job. You have to be a "people person" loving the kids, loving the old folks and everyone in between. It came a quite a revelation to me several years ago that the really premier "preachers" were intense introverts, while the preachers who were extroverts tended to be simply adequate as communicators. Interesting. So from one person we ask them to be the most congenial amongst us, the deepest theological thinkers (which takes "alone" time, and lots of it) planners, strategists, communicators, encourager, the list goes. I am here to tell you that these guys simply don't exist. But the pressure to perform in all these areas will ultimately grind anyone down.

And then there is the very real fact that they are working for entitled amateurs. In my tribe, they are called elders. These elders have the ability to hire and fire, set job descriptions, do evaluations, and generally meddle in every part of every one's ministry. And they have no training, no requirements themselves, no parameters in which they have to work. Given, some are gifted amateurs but amateurs none the less. Contrast that with the pulpit guy who has thousands of hours of training, experience, has spent thousands to learn their craft, spends 20 hours a week preparing for a 20-30 minute communication model, then is critiqued by some folks who have not spent any time in training, none invested in being better at their role, but who feel completely entitled to direct from the pew.

A couple of years ago a study showed that we were 30% low on ministers, if every job position was filled. That percentage is rapidly growing. The weight of sustaining the organization is simply becoming too cumbersome. That is why you have guys going to para-church organizations and planting new churches. It is the last place in ministry where they can go and be in control of their own destiny.

Of course as soon as the community of faith becomes an organized church the cycle starts all over again. We have a model that simply does not work. Think about that for a second and see how you feel about it.

Godspeed out there.
Don