Yesterday was a typical get-on-the-plane-strap-in-get-my-kindle-out sort of start to the trip. Headed to Miami for a trade show that no one wants to go to or really feels is necessary. But the job requires my presence and like the good soldier I am, I packed up and flew to Miami.
It was a completely full flight. I was towards the back of the plane in 22C and simply trying to get comfortable. The pilot came on and told us that the flight had been delayed because the plane (they call it equipment) originally scheduled had been diverted to another trip. The one we were on had come in from Puerto Rico and had to cleaned and cleared by "security". I checked the little seat pouch In front of me for a packet of drugs but only found magazines. The pilot said he would further explain the delay once we were airborne. Okay, that bothered me a little. I'm reminded of my oldest daughter's wedding dress buying trip where my impression was that she and her mother and her college friends would pick out a selection, then I would go and help in the final decision. My bride called me later in the afternoon and said, "Guess what we did today!" Voice full of excitement. "What did you do today?"..."We bought a wedding dress!" Really. "How much was it?" Long silence. "Why don't we talk about it when I get home?" Hmmm. "Why don't we talk about it now?" I felt this conversation should have happened with the pilot. Why don't we talk about it before this big, shiny, flying machine takes to the skies?
So off we went from Dallas to Miami. Somewhere over Louisiana the pilot told us that the water was contaminated on the plane and had to drained and plugged up, the toilets would not work. I decided to drink my bottled water, thank you very much. Then he proceeded to tell that as we cleared the airspace over New Orleans and headed out over the gulf, we might experience some mild to moderate "chop" I'm used to this. I fly over 100,000 miles a year. A little chop is no big deal, even more serious chop I can handle. Sure enough, we hit some chop, I opened the shade over the window and realized there was no land in sight.
For the first time that I can remember I freaked a little. For some reason I (apparently) have a deep-seated dread of an airplane falling out of the sky into the ocean. Over land, no problem, over water, problem. It made me so uneasy I couldn't sit still. So I got as if to go to the toilet that doesn't work and kind of strolled the aisle. Moderate chop and high anxiety (get it? 36,000 ft..high anxiety) resulted in sweaty palms, nervous stomach, and not being able to sit still.
So I did the only thing I knew to do..pray and try to think about anything else. Here is where I wonder about God's sense of humor. The first words that popped into my head were the song's lyrics,
When the oceans rise and thunders roar,
I will follow you above the storm
Father you are over all the flood..
Why wouldn't He put Peace, Perfect Peace into my head? I think he does that to us who are functional skeptics. Very funny. I get it. Now get us back over terra firma before I lose my lunch.
The end of the story is that we landed safe and sound. I considered having a serious conversation with the pilot on my way out, but was afraid they would hold me over and make me fly back with them.
Anyway, all's well that ends well.
Godspeed to all the nervous fliers out there. Okay, now I get it.
Don
Monday, October 15, 2012
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Too Long for FB, Not Enough For Blog
Clearing out the little thoughts and such, sort of a spring cleaning of the opinion closet.
It seems we are surrounded with useless inventions and ideas that need to be closed down forever.
Neck ties. Really? Who thought of this? Yet when I travel there is always a bevy of executroids wearing them. They seem to be stamped out of the same mold, earnest expression, constant I-phone checking, dark suits, gathering in little clumps of self-importance. I am always thinking that the only real difference is the color and pattern of the tie. Maybe that is why they exist, so we can tell them apart.
As my bride tells me, when the pantyhose craze hit, it was "one-size-fits-all" or as my sweet bride lamented, "one-size-fits-no-body" Of course pantyhose is now falling the way of the necktie, no one wears them much anymore. This is an idea that should have gone by the wayside years ago.
Sporks, as in a spoon that has little, tiny, useless tines. They look like the silly arms on the T-rex. Can't hold soup, can't pick up mac-n-cheese. What are they good for? Frustrating anyone who tries to use them.
Indestructible, plastic packaging that would withstand a nuclear blast. Short of the jaws of life and chainsaw, almost impossible to get the ear buds for the I-phone out of the packaging. There will be entire race of people in the future with no fingers and a pile of mangled electronic gear packaging, crumpled and twisted, but unopened, sitting in the middle of their living rooms wailing into the night. Perhaps this is hell, having something you need and want and can see, but can't get it out of the kevlar packaging.
Fine print.....'nuff said.
On another topic. Cosmic Jokes.
Yesterday I flew from DFW to Detroit, then on to Providence, RI. On the segment from Detroit to Providence, there was a business man who caught my attention because he was so rude. He went to the desk several times to ask about the flight, he huffed and puffed, he stationed himself close to the lanes for boarding so he would be first. I think if he could have shoved the wheelchair folks aside, he would have. You get the picture. Anyway, we all had to gate-check our rollerboards because the plane was too small for them to fit in the overhead. Naturally at the other end we all had to line up and wait for our rollerboards to be carried up the steps and hand delivered to each of us. Of course Mr. I-Am-More-Important-Than-All-of-You had to stand closest to the door, facing all the rest of us as we all waited for our bags. I'm standing probably 10-12 feet away when I noticed that every time he moved it was obvious that he was not all zipped up and squared away. Pretty sure he was wearing tidy whities. I almost laughed out loud. I'm pretty sure that I was not hiding my smirk very well.
But now I had a moral dilemma. Tell him? or let him find it later and wonder how long he had been letting the breeze blow? Cosmic humor or Cosmic justice? Kindness or my natural ability to see all things in a somewhat skewed, but sometimes selfish light? Honesty demands that I report a personal compromise. As he strode up the jetway, his rollerboard trailing behind, I waited until he was about 5 feet from me and said in a clear, non-hushed voice, "Hey chief, you are unzipped." Nodding to his pants. Resulting in a fumbling, swerving, briefcase dropping fit of getting zipped. I thought the lady in front of me was going to have a stroke she was trying so hard not to laugh. Everyone else I could see kept their eyes trained elsewhere, and their faces faces trying not to adopt my smirk. Truthfully, I think the personal compromise may have landed a little closer to Justice side than the Kindness side..I am not perfect.
Godpseed out there, hopefully all the new inventions will be useful...maybe an automatic zipper, wonder what the product liability would be for that idea?
Don
It seems we are surrounded with useless inventions and ideas that need to be closed down forever.
Neck ties. Really? Who thought of this? Yet when I travel there is always a bevy of executroids wearing them. They seem to be stamped out of the same mold, earnest expression, constant I-phone checking, dark suits, gathering in little clumps of self-importance. I am always thinking that the only real difference is the color and pattern of the tie. Maybe that is why they exist, so we can tell them apart.
As my bride tells me, when the pantyhose craze hit, it was "one-size-fits-all" or as my sweet bride lamented, "one-size-fits-no-body" Of course pantyhose is now falling the way of the necktie, no one wears them much anymore. This is an idea that should have gone by the wayside years ago.
Sporks, as in a spoon that has little, tiny, useless tines. They look like the silly arms on the T-rex. Can't hold soup, can't pick up mac-n-cheese. What are they good for? Frustrating anyone who tries to use them.
Indestructible, plastic packaging that would withstand a nuclear blast. Short of the jaws of life and chainsaw, almost impossible to get the ear buds for the I-phone out of the packaging. There will be entire race of people in the future with no fingers and a pile of mangled electronic gear packaging, crumpled and twisted, but unopened, sitting in the middle of their living rooms wailing into the night. Perhaps this is hell, having something you need and want and can see, but can't get it out of the kevlar packaging.
Fine print.....'nuff said.
On another topic. Cosmic Jokes.
Yesterday I flew from DFW to Detroit, then on to Providence, RI. On the segment from Detroit to Providence, there was a business man who caught my attention because he was so rude. He went to the desk several times to ask about the flight, he huffed and puffed, he stationed himself close to the lanes for boarding so he would be first. I think if he could have shoved the wheelchair folks aside, he would have. You get the picture. Anyway, we all had to gate-check our rollerboards because the plane was too small for them to fit in the overhead. Naturally at the other end we all had to line up and wait for our rollerboards to be carried up the steps and hand delivered to each of us. Of course Mr. I-Am-More-Important-Than-All-of-You had to stand closest to the door, facing all the rest of us as we all waited for our bags. I'm standing probably 10-12 feet away when I noticed that every time he moved it was obvious that he was not all zipped up and squared away. Pretty sure he was wearing tidy whities. I almost laughed out loud. I'm pretty sure that I was not hiding my smirk very well.
But now I had a moral dilemma. Tell him? or let him find it later and wonder how long he had been letting the breeze blow? Cosmic humor or Cosmic justice? Kindness or my natural ability to see all things in a somewhat skewed, but sometimes selfish light? Honesty demands that I report a personal compromise. As he strode up the jetway, his rollerboard trailing behind, I waited until he was about 5 feet from me and said in a clear, non-hushed voice, "Hey chief, you are unzipped." Nodding to his pants. Resulting in a fumbling, swerving, briefcase dropping fit of getting zipped. I thought the lady in front of me was going to have a stroke she was trying so hard not to laugh. Everyone else I could see kept their eyes trained elsewhere, and their faces faces trying not to adopt my smirk. Truthfully, I think the personal compromise may have landed a little closer to Justice side than the Kindness side..I am not perfect.
Godpseed out there, hopefully all the new inventions will be useful...maybe an automatic zipper, wonder what the product liability would be for that idea?
Don
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