Clearing out the little thoughts and such, sort of a spring cleaning of the opinion closet.
It seems we are surrounded with useless inventions and ideas that need to be closed down forever.
Neck ties. Really? Who thought of this? Yet when I travel there is always a bevy of executroids wearing them. They seem to be stamped out of the same mold, earnest expression, constant I-phone checking, dark suits, gathering in little clumps of self-importance. I am always thinking that the only real difference is the color and pattern of the tie. Maybe that is why they exist, so we can tell them apart.
As my bride tells me, when the pantyhose craze hit, it was "one-size-fits-all" or as my sweet bride lamented, "one-size-fits-no-body" Of course pantyhose is now falling the way of the necktie, no one wears them much anymore. This is an idea that should have gone by the wayside years ago.
Sporks, as in a spoon that has little, tiny, useless tines. They look like the silly arms on the T-rex. Can't hold soup, can't pick up mac-n-cheese. What are they good for? Frustrating anyone who tries to use them.
Indestructible, plastic packaging that would withstand a nuclear blast. Short of the jaws of life and chainsaw, almost impossible to get the ear buds for the I-phone out of the packaging. There will be entire race of people in the future with no fingers and a pile of mangled electronic gear packaging, crumpled and twisted, but unopened, sitting in the middle of their living rooms wailing into the night. Perhaps this is hell, having something you need and want and can see, but can't get it out of the kevlar packaging.
Fine print.....'nuff said.
On another topic. Cosmic Jokes.
Yesterday I flew from DFW to Detroit, then on to Providence, RI. On the segment from Detroit to Providence, there was a business man who caught my attention because he was so rude. He went to the desk several times to ask about the flight, he huffed and puffed, he stationed himself close to the lanes for boarding so he would be first. I think if he could have shoved the wheelchair folks aside, he would have. You get the picture. Anyway, we all had to gate-check our rollerboards because the plane was too small for them to fit in the overhead. Naturally at the other end we all had to line up and wait for our rollerboards to be carried up the steps and hand delivered to each of us. Of course Mr. I-Am-More-Important-Than-All-of-You had to stand closest to the door, facing all the rest of us as we all waited for our bags. I'm standing probably 10-12 feet away when I noticed that every time he moved it was obvious that he was not all zipped up and squared away. Pretty sure he was wearing tidy whities. I almost laughed out loud. I'm pretty sure that I was not hiding my smirk very well.
But now I had a moral dilemma. Tell him? or let him find it later and wonder how long he had been letting the breeze blow? Cosmic humor or Cosmic justice? Kindness or my natural ability to see all things in a somewhat skewed, but sometimes selfish light? Honesty demands that I report a personal compromise. As he strode up the jetway, his rollerboard trailing behind, I waited until he was about 5 feet from me and said in a clear, non-hushed voice, "Hey chief, you are unzipped." Nodding to his pants. Resulting in a fumbling, swerving, briefcase dropping fit of getting zipped. I thought the lady in front of me was going to have a stroke she was trying so hard not to laugh. Everyone else I could see kept their eyes trained elsewhere, and their faces faces trying not to adopt my smirk. Truthfully, I think the personal compromise may have landed a little closer to Justice side than the Kindness side..I am not perfect.
Godpseed out there, hopefully all the new inventions will be useful...maybe an automatic zipper, wonder what the product liability would be for that idea?
Don
No comments:
Post a Comment