This healthcare debate has been fascinating. I have followed it pretty closely. My interests were not so much what the bill contained (or didn't) it was not so much conservative or liberal, lifer or choice, socialist or imperialist, but was instead a study in conflict management. The give and take of the argument.
Frankly the actual bill and all it contains gives me "tired head." I suspect the 500 or so legislators haven't read the 2800 page bill either, probably gives them tired head as well. Although it does make me wonder if the poor staffer who had to type the stinking thing didn't load a few things, just to see if anyone was reading it.
"Your claim is denied for surgery on your in-grown toenail on your right foot."
"How can you deny this claim?! I had surgery just last year on the other foot!"
"Well, I'm sorry, on page 2,268 of the ObamaCare Bill, it excludes right feet."
"That's outrageous! This is bigotry, it is probably racial! What will us righties do?!"
"You folks on the right had your chance, now move along."
You can see where this is going.
What really was fascinating was the posing. The casting of the other side as all that represents evil in our society. The socialists are trying to take over every facet of our lives, the imperialists are trying to make sure big business is running everything. We will have "death panels" Oh wait, it seems pretty clear that we are all going to face a death panel at some point. Frankly, at the end for me the last thing you want to do is gather an audience, talk about a sermon. "I have a few things I want to get off my chest, just stand up when I mention your name..."
So each side assigned the worst possible motives to the other side and came up with really scary terms to describe them. I had a minor skirmish with my M-i-L when she was railing against Obama and what a liar he was, and I mentioned that, in my opinion, they were all liars. Our discussion basically devolved into a "are to" "are not" sort of conversation. However, I modestly point out that scripture is on my side, Psalms 116 says, "In my despair, I cried, 'all men are liars.'" Only slightly out of context.
So where does this go now? I think the conservatives are dug in. Obama could now suggest that all legislation will be GOP written and they will still vote against it. The system is now officially locked down. Other bills may pass, but it will be such an ordeal that it won't mean much. I am stunned that men and women as bright as these folks are supposed to be didn't see this coming. When you exclude one side from the process, then strip them of "face" as we mediators call it, you are guaranteed a stand-off, every time.
So how do I feel about this new legislation? The words to the old song come to mind, "This world is not my home, I'm just a'passing through." Personally I think the single thing that is preventing Christ-view people from maturing is their money. So if we lose some of it, it may help in the long run. I always try to remember that in other countries men and women of faith are being martyred. This kind of brings me back to reality, that we live in an incredibly ego-centric society. The I-am-second campaign is not gaining much momentum here in America (have you noticed it is always someone on the ad who has a little pocket change?) If you are all worked up over the new world order, feel that life as we know it is over, that all is lost, break out the old book, read the Gospels, see if any of that makes you feel better. It does me.
Anyway, Godspeed out there. I think I will go have this toe looked at.
Don
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Knowledge vs Discernment
My group on Sunday mornings is moving through the spiritual disciplines. We have covered the "inner" disciplines of silence and solitude, meditation, prayer,study and fasting. It has taken us 13 weeks to cover what I consider the core of the disciplines. We have all ages from just out of college to folks more senior than I am in this journey. It is a break point where we shift to the "outer" disciplines and this is where I am going to run amok with the conventional church approach.
Here is what I mean. Nearly all churches have embraced the secular knowledge regarding our daily lives. Churches have launched huge ministries into financial management (Dave Ramsey, Crown Ministries, etc.) marriage enhancement (His Needs, Her Needs, or as one friend of mine said, "Her Needs, Her Needs") Addiction Needs (Celebrate Recovery) and the list goes on and on. The dependency on formulated studies is a growing and prosperous endeavor. At a fundamental level, I think acquiring this knowledge is fine. What creates heartburn for me is that this is the new "catechisms" for the church. In other words, if we can get our money in line and our marriages in line and stop eating/drinking/smoking/injecting stuff, then we will be good citizens of the new, secular church.
The problem is that these are symptoms, not root causes. So we look to society to answer the questions we have with secular wisdom. Then we wonder why we still have other and sometimes more serious problems show up. These philosophies create their own problems and none of them address the real issue...growing closer to God.
I am a little surprised that most of the folks at the church where we are camped right now wouldn't jump on the chance to get to the core of the real problem. As I have walked this group through the disciplines, it occurs to me that all of the above problems are dealt with because the root problem is being answered. Do you want to grow closer to God? Live a simple (or frugal) life. The money belongs to God, not you. Do you want to be the best spouse ever? Then invest deeply in the spiritual disciplines that will transform you into someone that God is close to. Now there is someone that a spouse can love. Want to kick those old, unhealthy habits? focus on the word and wisdom of God. There is simply nothing out there that a deep and transformable relationship with God won't fix.
So why is this so hard? Why do churches fall into this trap? I think there are several reasons
1. Peer-pressure. Other churches are doing it, it is popular, it must be working. So we should do it. Besides, it comes in this great little pre-packed, slick binder, with CDs and workbooks, and some scant reference to scripture. It must be good, everyone is doing it.
2. People (and this includes paid ministers) are looking for the easy solution. I hate to use the word lazy, but nothing else really comes to mind. I spend about 10 hours a week covering the material in my mind to go over with my little group. I dig out the scriptures myself, I do the exegesis myself, I pray for the Spirit's guidance myself, I construct the conversation myself. None of this includes the hundreds of hours of developing the original plan and the daily routine of keeping my own disciplines in order. I have had people ask me what I read. I usually hate to tell them that most of my reading is scripture, slowly, with a lot of meditation time in between. This really disappoints them. They want me to give them new author's names, or book names, or study guides. This is heavy-lifting type stuff, most people sort of blanch when they understand what it takes.
3. It is unpopular. I am here to tell you that most folks don't want to hear that shifting from a secular life-style to a spiritual life-style requires sacrifice. Current preachers have over-reacted to sectarian religious methods and have spent the last 10 or 15 years preaching only grace. It needed to be done, but the concept of creating disciples has been relegated to the back of the bus. You want to find church leaders in today's market, ask this question, "What does your current spiritual discipline life look like?" We don't have maturing churches because we don't offer anything but spiritual junk food. Nearly all the preaching and teaching I hear and read about is a mile wide and paper thin. The preachers and teachers are all afraid that if they shift to a more mature approach that people will leave. Hmmm, says a little something about priorities doesn't it?
You see the point of these secular-based studies is knowledge..how to. The purpose of spiritual disciplines is discernment..or wisdom. We change our hearts and we change our actions, not the other way around. Knowledge fills our head, discernment changes our heart. God doesn't need smarter people, or more talented people, he needs deeper people. Discernment gives us the proper perspective to deal with life, both within us and around us.
Godspeed, thanks for following this blog. It is my prayer that you can live a life of discernment.
Don
Here is what I mean. Nearly all churches have embraced the secular knowledge regarding our daily lives. Churches have launched huge ministries into financial management (Dave Ramsey, Crown Ministries, etc.) marriage enhancement (His Needs, Her Needs, or as one friend of mine said, "Her Needs, Her Needs") Addiction Needs (Celebrate Recovery) and the list goes on and on. The dependency on formulated studies is a growing and prosperous endeavor. At a fundamental level, I think acquiring this knowledge is fine. What creates heartburn for me is that this is the new "catechisms" for the church. In other words, if we can get our money in line and our marriages in line and stop eating/drinking/smoking/injecting stuff, then we will be good citizens of the new, secular church.
The problem is that these are symptoms, not root causes. So we look to society to answer the questions we have with secular wisdom. Then we wonder why we still have other and sometimes more serious problems show up. These philosophies create their own problems and none of them address the real issue...growing closer to God.
I am a little surprised that most of the folks at the church where we are camped right now wouldn't jump on the chance to get to the core of the real problem. As I have walked this group through the disciplines, it occurs to me that all of the above problems are dealt with because the root problem is being answered. Do you want to grow closer to God? Live a simple (or frugal) life. The money belongs to God, not you. Do you want to be the best spouse ever? Then invest deeply in the spiritual disciplines that will transform you into someone that God is close to. Now there is someone that a spouse can love. Want to kick those old, unhealthy habits? focus on the word and wisdom of God. There is simply nothing out there that a deep and transformable relationship with God won't fix.
So why is this so hard? Why do churches fall into this trap? I think there are several reasons
1. Peer-pressure. Other churches are doing it, it is popular, it must be working. So we should do it. Besides, it comes in this great little pre-packed, slick binder, with CDs and workbooks, and some scant reference to scripture. It must be good, everyone is doing it.
2. People (and this includes paid ministers) are looking for the easy solution. I hate to use the word lazy, but nothing else really comes to mind. I spend about 10 hours a week covering the material in my mind to go over with my little group. I dig out the scriptures myself, I do the exegesis myself, I pray for the Spirit's guidance myself, I construct the conversation myself. None of this includes the hundreds of hours of developing the original plan and the daily routine of keeping my own disciplines in order. I have had people ask me what I read. I usually hate to tell them that most of my reading is scripture, slowly, with a lot of meditation time in between. This really disappoints them. They want me to give them new author's names, or book names, or study guides. This is heavy-lifting type stuff, most people sort of blanch when they understand what it takes.
3. It is unpopular. I am here to tell you that most folks don't want to hear that shifting from a secular life-style to a spiritual life-style requires sacrifice. Current preachers have over-reacted to sectarian religious methods and have spent the last 10 or 15 years preaching only grace. It needed to be done, but the concept of creating disciples has been relegated to the back of the bus. You want to find church leaders in today's market, ask this question, "What does your current spiritual discipline life look like?" We don't have maturing churches because we don't offer anything but spiritual junk food. Nearly all the preaching and teaching I hear and read about is a mile wide and paper thin. The preachers and teachers are all afraid that if they shift to a more mature approach that people will leave. Hmmm, says a little something about priorities doesn't it?
You see the point of these secular-based studies is knowledge..how to. The purpose of spiritual disciplines is discernment..or wisdom. We change our hearts and we change our actions, not the other way around. Knowledge fills our head, discernment changes our heart. God doesn't need smarter people, or more talented people, he needs deeper people. Discernment gives us the proper perspective to deal with life, both within us and around us.
Godspeed, thanks for following this blog. It is my prayer that you can live a life of discernment.
Don
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Nobility Under Attack
I am always intrigued by stories of human triumph. Stories where men or women win out when it seemed hopeless. Usually these are stories in the sports world, sometimes in the business world, occasionally triumph over odds that would keep them down and out.
Rarely do we get to witness these stories. I've seen it a couple of times, been close and marveled at the strength and courage, the sheer determination of someone who won't quit, who won't blink. who refuses to compromise their values or personal dignity. I find these people noble, an old world we don't use much anymore.
But I have a friend that has been out of work for 2 years. He is a very bright guy. He served as the COO of the company I worked for in Los Angeles. He took a company that was on the verge of bankruptcy, and in the space of a year took the company from extinction to showing a 5% profit. He revamped the distribution model, he solidified the relationships with the foreign factories, and he negotiated a new financing arrangement that gave the company security and stability for the following two years, all the while eliminating the need for the owner's personal guarantee. And for all his work he was summarily fired, robbed of his bonus, and turned out, just as the economy took the worst turn in decades.
In the past two years he has lost his home, his cars, his credit, out-lived his unemployment benefits. He and his wife have postponed health care and needed health procedures because they have no money, no credit, no resources. Yet through all this he has worked his network as faithfully as anyone I have ever seen. He has followed up on every lead, developed numerous business plans, and has by and large kept his sense of humor.
Now when it is likely that the investment funds he needs to start the company he has dreamed of for several years is near at hand, he is trying to develop a company that takes care of his employees, is fair to anyone coming on board. We talk a lot. Our version of business is remarkably similar. We share a strong bond, I'm not sure why. The guy doesn't even play golf. But I think what draws me to him is the sense of decency he has, it is noble because he could be incredibly selfish at this point and no one would blame him. Somehow he has maintained his sense of who he is through this trying time.
So here is my best good wishes to him.
Godspeed, Larry hang in there.
Don
Rarely do we get to witness these stories. I've seen it a couple of times, been close and marveled at the strength and courage, the sheer determination of someone who won't quit, who won't blink. who refuses to compromise their values or personal dignity. I find these people noble, an old world we don't use much anymore.
But I have a friend that has been out of work for 2 years. He is a very bright guy. He served as the COO of the company I worked for in Los Angeles. He took a company that was on the verge of bankruptcy, and in the space of a year took the company from extinction to showing a 5% profit. He revamped the distribution model, he solidified the relationships with the foreign factories, and he negotiated a new financing arrangement that gave the company security and stability for the following two years, all the while eliminating the need for the owner's personal guarantee. And for all his work he was summarily fired, robbed of his bonus, and turned out, just as the economy took the worst turn in decades.
In the past two years he has lost his home, his cars, his credit, out-lived his unemployment benefits. He and his wife have postponed health care and needed health procedures because they have no money, no credit, no resources. Yet through all this he has worked his network as faithfully as anyone I have ever seen. He has followed up on every lead, developed numerous business plans, and has by and large kept his sense of humor.
Now when it is likely that the investment funds he needs to start the company he has dreamed of for several years is near at hand, he is trying to develop a company that takes care of his employees, is fair to anyone coming on board. We talk a lot. Our version of business is remarkably similar. We share a strong bond, I'm not sure why. The guy doesn't even play golf. But I think what draws me to him is the sense of decency he has, it is noble because he could be incredibly selfish at this point and no one would blame him. Somehow he has maintained his sense of who he is through this trying time.
So here is my best good wishes to him.
Godspeed, Larry hang in there.
Don
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
This Past week
What a week this has been. We had all the grandbabies in one place at one time. This is nirvana for me. To see each of them, get to play, minimal discipline. These are the best of times.
I took Eli, my almost 7-year-old to play golf. Not driving range or down to the middle school, but a par-3 course in Dallas. He has his own clubs, a growing number of my golf balls, and a willingness to go with me (a narrowing selection of people) We walked up and paid the green fees and went to the first tee where we grouped up with another guy named Don and his daughter (3rd grade? )
I discovered quickly that Eli was going to have a problem with golf's version of "whose turn is it?" He is accustomed and will abide by the alternating shot concept, but struggles with the furthest from the hole concept (actually I get a little antsy with it as well, but another blog) So I had to keep saying, "Dude,not your turn, wait until she is closer to the hole." By and large though he did great, actually hit it on the green once from his tee shot and almost did a couple of other times. I want someone other than a fanatically partial grandfather to watch him and see if he has any talent for this. But we had a great time, he lasted the entire hour and half with no melt-downs, and other than piling up about 100 putts he seems to have some ability.
My brightest memory of Phoebe Mae, our 3-year-old, was her stage presentation of an extemporaneous choral version of "dance like no one is watching" In the backyard we have a bench that encircles a small tree. This was her stage. Through the open back door drifted a song, no known tune, words made up as the song drifted out. Complete with staging and choreography, this little song bird just sang her heart out. Now, mind you, neither of her parents are what I would call singers. They both can sing, but it doesn't drive them. This little girl has a song on her heart and on her lips constantly. She has big finishes..in the middle of the song complete with raised arms and head tilted back, full of glory and joy and fun. I love it, it makes me sing a little.
Finally, little Mr. Lincoln. He may have the most endearing smile on the planet. It is something about mixing charm, a quiet little attitude, and just a pinch of mischief. He is going to be a handful when he gets older and mobile. He loves it when you pick him up, he hates it when you put him down. Now he shares a love of food with his cousin Phoebe, so we will see how this works out. There is simply something charming about this little guy, we will see where it leads.
So the week has been a high-light, one for the memory books.
Godspeed to those who got to spend the week with the ones they love.
Don
I took Eli, my almost 7-year-old to play golf. Not driving range or down to the middle school, but a par-3 course in Dallas. He has his own clubs, a growing number of my golf balls, and a willingness to go with me (a narrowing selection of people) We walked up and paid the green fees and went to the first tee where we grouped up with another guy named Don and his daughter (3rd grade? )
I discovered quickly that Eli was going to have a problem with golf's version of "whose turn is it?" He is accustomed and will abide by the alternating shot concept, but struggles with the furthest from the hole concept (actually I get a little antsy with it as well, but another blog) So I had to keep saying, "Dude,not your turn, wait until she is closer to the hole." By and large though he did great, actually hit it on the green once from his tee shot and almost did a couple of other times. I want someone other than a fanatically partial grandfather to watch him and see if he has any talent for this. But we had a great time, he lasted the entire hour and half with no melt-downs, and other than piling up about 100 putts he seems to have some ability.
My brightest memory of Phoebe Mae, our 3-year-old, was her stage presentation of an extemporaneous choral version of "dance like no one is watching" In the backyard we have a bench that encircles a small tree. This was her stage. Through the open back door drifted a song, no known tune, words made up as the song drifted out. Complete with staging and choreography, this little song bird just sang her heart out. Now, mind you, neither of her parents are what I would call singers. They both can sing, but it doesn't drive them. This little girl has a song on her heart and on her lips constantly. She has big finishes..in the middle of the song complete with raised arms and head tilted back, full of glory and joy and fun. I love it, it makes me sing a little.
Finally, little Mr. Lincoln. He may have the most endearing smile on the planet. It is something about mixing charm, a quiet little attitude, and just a pinch of mischief. He is going to be a handful when he gets older and mobile. He loves it when you pick him up, he hates it when you put him down. Now he shares a love of food with his cousin Phoebe, so we will see how this works out. There is simply something charming about this little guy, we will see where it leads.
So the week has been a high-light, one for the memory books.
Godspeed to those who got to spend the week with the ones they love.
Don
Friday, March 19, 2010
Something Tells Me It's All Happening at the Zoo
Simon and Garfunkle, old song, silly lyrics. But we went to the zoo yesterday. The entire troop of grandkids, the two daughters, the bride and I. We arrived early to miss the crowds (which we did) but froze for the first hour or so. It kind of made me sad to see wild animals shivering in the cold, particularly the ones from warm climes. They must be thinking, "What did I do to deserve this?" Elephants seem impervious to everything, the giraffes were equally unaffected, but the monkeys looked miserable.
I learned something about just about everyone there. My eldest grandson, who will be 7 in June is a remarkable map reader. He could locate exactly where we were, the best way to get to the next area, and kept track all day long. I was amazed. This is pretty high-level thinking, plus knowing direction, plus having a pretty good grip on left and right. The zoo is undergoing renovations, so the big looping walkways were occasionally blocked, making for a detour. He could map out a course from our recent paths and get us to where we needed to go. I have seen adults struggle with this, and this was not an easy map to read.
Our granddaughter created the most trauma. She got lost in the big kid play section. My youngest daughter and I had hiked back to the car to get the picnic lunch, then met them in the play area. Jordan, the mom, was on the verge of panic when I got there. My bride was guarding the littlest one, so Carrie and I set out in opposite directions. I made a quick turn around the area and realized that the only way in or out was a pretty narrow opening. I planted myself in the middle of it and prepared to do battle. Logically this is a 56 year-old-body, but the willingness to put it in harms way for the only granddaughter was immediate. Of course I realized as I inspected everyone coming or going that every mom with a 3-ish female dressed them all in pink. 9,000 pink coats, sweaters, hoodies. Then I realized that most had not put in hot pink bows in blond hair, it narrowed the search. About the time the panic was really setting in, I spotted a zoo employee handing over our precious Phoebe to her crying mother. I will let her tell her story on her own blog, but now here I am armed for battle and no villains. So we ate lunch.
My youngest daughter is a planner and packer. We knew this, but an event like the zoo just crystallizes it. The stroller had room for the diaper bag, hooked over the handles, S-hooks on the side for additional bags, cup holders (2), this thing was loaded. I'm not sure what the carrying weight of the modern stroller is, but the baby is only a fraction of the weight. Here, you need band aids, right here. Drink? In the side pocket. Wipes? in the diaper bag, on the left-hand side, in the pocket.
I can't keep up with one set of keys and a wallet, I would never make it as a modern day mom.
Lincoln is a pleasant and quiet little boy, but constant motion. We decided that he will get into everything, quietly. Then when discovered will give you sweetest smile ever. If Carrie and Shane are looking for discipline from me, it ain't gonna' happen. All these kids have my number.
Jordan hates the reptile house. When did this happen? How can you hate a place that features albino alligators, and 20' pythons, and lizards that remind me of Jurassic Park? Jordan planted herself in only spot in the building that is equidistant from all the critters. No amount of teasing or cajoling would prompt her away from the openness of the lobby. Then as soon as we all regathered, out the door. She stated in no uncertain terms her dislike for the entire concept of reptilian world. On to the monorail.
My bride, once again just drank it all in. Carrying kids when needed, opening drinks, soothing feelings, one hand on the stroller of Lincoln, eyes scanning for Phoebe during the "search" She always does what needs to be done.
The zoo was fun, exciting (a little too exciting with the Phoebe disappearing act) tiring, we heard that orangutans are sceptical of changes in their cages, and the zoo keeper is very fond of rum.
But other than that, what a fun day.
Godspeed, talk to the animals, they won't talk back when it is 50degrees outside
Don
I learned something about just about everyone there. My eldest grandson, who will be 7 in June is a remarkable map reader. He could locate exactly where we were, the best way to get to the next area, and kept track all day long. I was amazed. This is pretty high-level thinking, plus knowing direction, plus having a pretty good grip on left and right. The zoo is undergoing renovations, so the big looping walkways were occasionally blocked, making for a detour. He could map out a course from our recent paths and get us to where we needed to go. I have seen adults struggle with this, and this was not an easy map to read.
Our granddaughter created the most trauma. She got lost in the big kid play section. My youngest daughter and I had hiked back to the car to get the picnic lunch, then met them in the play area. Jordan, the mom, was on the verge of panic when I got there. My bride was guarding the littlest one, so Carrie and I set out in opposite directions. I made a quick turn around the area and realized that the only way in or out was a pretty narrow opening. I planted myself in the middle of it and prepared to do battle. Logically this is a 56 year-old-body, but the willingness to put it in harms way for the only granddaughter was immediate. Of course I realized as I inspected everyone coming or going that every mom with a 3-ish female dressed them all in pink. 9,000 pink coats, sweaters, hoodies. Then I realized that most had not put in hot pink bows in blond hair, it narrowed the search. About the time the panic was really setting in, I spotted a zoo employee handing over our precious Phoebe to her crying mother. I will let her tell her story on her own blog, but now here I am armed for battle and no villains. So we ate lunch.
My youngest daughter is a planner and packer. We knew this, but an event like the zoo just crystallizes it. The stroller had room for the diaper bag, hooked over the handles, S-hooks on the side for additional bags, cup holders (2), this thing was loaded. I'm not sure what the carrying weight of the modern stroller is, but the baby is only a fraction of the weight. Here, you need band aids, right here. Drink? In the side pocket. Wipes? in the diaper bag, on the left-hand side, in the pocket.
I can't keep up with one set of keys and a wallet, I would never make it as a modern day mom.
Lincoln is a pleasant and quiet little boy, but constant motion. We decided that he will get into everything, quietly. Then when discovered will give you sweetest smile ever. If Carrie and Shane are looking for discipline from me, it ain't gonna' happen. All these kids have my number.
Jordan hates the reptile house. When did this happen? How can you hate a place that features albino alligators, and 20' pythons, and lizards that remind me of Jurassic Park? Jordan planted herself in only spot in the building that is equidistant from all the critters. No amount of teasing or cajoling would prompt her away from the openness of the lobby. Then as soon as we all regathered, out the door. She stated in no uncertain terms her dislike for the entire concept of reptilian world. On to the monorail.
My bride, once again just drank it all in. Carrying kids when needed, opening drinks, soothing feelings, one hand on the stroller of Lincoln, eyes scanning for Phoebe during the "search" She always does what needs to be done.
The zoo was fun, exciting (a little too exciting with the Phoebe disappearing act) tiring, we heard that orangutans are sceptical of changes in their cages, and the zoo keeper is very fond of rum.
But other than that, what a fun day.
Godspeed, talk to the animals, they won't talk back when it is 50degrees outside
Don
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Not Again!
In the mid-90s the apparel industry went through a lot of consolidation, down-sizing, closures. My career began to feel like a constant drill of jumping from one sinking ship to the lifeboats, only to have them capsize. It was a trying and disheartening time. Over the past 10 years or so, though, my moves have been of my making in this industry. So last Friday the company announced that we had lost the brand that identified who we were, thus closing the company. I was stunned to hear people wonder how we would survive this. The company does not survive, it is done. The current project is to harvest as many organs from the body before the funeral.
Yesterday 100 of us (out of 145 or so) were let go, fired, layed off, permanently furloughed (my favorite). Big conference room full of people wondering what they were going to do. The president saying how sorry he was (he is indeed sorry, it was his fault, and in a real twist of irony will get the last paycheck) The owner is in tears, a lot of the original employees crying, the warehouse guys (that I find a little scary) standing there stone-faced. I was wondering whose car was going to get keyed on the way out. I was impatient. You see, I had been through this before, several times. So my mental condition was, "get on with it" So I'm standing there with my arms folded, sort of minding my own business when a young lady next to me looks at me and asks, "why aren't you upset?" Why indeed? So I looked at her and I said without really thinking about it, "putting behind what is in the past and striving forward toward the goal. It is a quote from an old book. It means they have given us a head start in the job search over the other 45 or so who have to stay here and finish out this sorry business." Then I gave her one of my blog cards ( I will explain at another time, but my bride made them up for me when she set up the blog)What a moment. The owner came over and apologized, I wished him and his family the best.
Here is where I turn into my dad. He is absolutely the best at moving on when tragedy strikes. He is not maudlin, he does not feel sorry for himself, he simply smacks his hands together and gets on with the task of moving on. For instance, the afternoon of my mother's funeral he told my sister, and his daughters=in=law that they needed to get what they wanted out of mom's closet because the rest of it was going to Goodwill..that day. He was broken-hearted, he was sad about mom, but he was ready to move on.
So here is my formula for not staying out of work long. 3:15..easy to remember, out of school time. Here is what it means. Over three days have 15 conversations about looking for work. Job placement folks call this networking. I call it 3:15. So starting a month ago, yes, I felt it coming, I am in the top 2% in inductive reasoning, I've been diagnosed and tested. I'll explain in another blog what it is. I made a list of twenty or so names that have great visibility into the apparel world, good friends who know me, most have worked with me. I called 7 of them on Friday, then another 3 over the weekend. That leaves 5 today. One of them has been working on a deal for a year and might fund this week, which means there may be no real loss of income. But more importantly no loss in time. I hate to sit and wonder what is happening. I learned a long time ago to work a job search like you do your regular job. Get up early, hit the phones, email folks, put in a full 8 hours.
What I hope to do also is write a little more. It is therapeutic, it helps me stay focused, it keeps me sane. So you may have more to read from the blog in the days to come.
Anyway, for those who got my cards, hope you enjoy the blog.
Godspeed to all.
Don
Yesterday 100 of us (out of 145 or so) were let go, fired, layed off, permanently furloughed (my favorite). Big conference room full of people wondering what they were going to do. The president saying how sorry he was (he is indeed sorry, it was his fault, and in a real twist of irony will get the last paycheck) The owner is in tears, a lot of the original employees crying, the warehouse guys (that I find a little scary) standing there stone-faced. I was wondering whose car was going to get keyed on the way out. I was impatient. You see, I had been through this before, several times. So my mental condition was, "get on with it" So I'm standing there with my arms folded, sort of minding my own business when a young lady next to me looks at me and asks, "why aren't you upset?" Why indeed? So I looked at her and I said without really thinking about it, "putting behind what is in the past and striving forward toward the goal. It is a quote from an old book. It means they have given us a head start in the job search over the other 45 or so who have to stay here and finish out this sorry business." Then I gave her one of my blog cards ( I will explain at another time, but my bride made them up for me when she set up the blog)What a moment. The owner came over and apologized, I wished him and his family the best.
Here is where I turn into my dad. He is absolutely the best at moving on when tragedy strikes. He is not maudlin, he does not feel sorry for himself, he simply smacks his hands together and gets on with the task of moving on. For instance, the afternoon of my mother's funeral he told my sister, and his daughters=in=law that they needed to get what they wanted out of mom's closet because the rest of it was going to Goodwill..that day. He was broken-hearted, he was sad about mom, but he was ready to move on.
So here is my formula for not staying out of work long. 3:15..easy to remember, out of school time. Here is what it means. Over three days have 15 conversations about looking for work. Job placement folks call this networking. I call it 3:15. So starting a month ago, yes, I felt it coming, I am in the top 2% in inductive reasoning, I've been diagnosed and tested. I'll explain in another blog what it is. I made a list of twenty or so names that have great visibility into the apparel world, good friends who know me, most have worked with me. I called 7 of them on Friday, then another 3 over the weekend. That leaves 5 today. One of them has been working on a deal for a year and might fund this week, which means there may be no real loss of income. But more importantly no loss in time. I hate to sit and wonder what is happening. I learned a long time ago to work a job search like you do your regular job. Get up early, hit the phones, email folks, put in a full 8 hours.
What I hope to do also is write a little more. It is therapeutic, it helps me stay focused, it keeps me sane. So you may have more to read from the blog in the days to come.
Anyway, for those who got my cards, hope you enjoy the blog.
Godspeed to all.
Don
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Anger-Easy to Lose, Hard to Control
There are not many moments in my life anymore where I lose my temper. Oh I get grumpy and I get testy, some might say my sarcasm is a form of anger. But I rarely get chest-heavy, fist-clenching, red-faced, looking-for-a-nose-to-smash angry. First of all it takes too much energy. I am not into high maintenance emotional fits. Life is too short, etc.
But every once in a while, there is a moment, a situation that just goes all over me. What surprises me is the suddenness of it all. For some odd reason I never see it coming. One minute I'm sitting there, calm as can be, the next moment I am so angry that I'm speechless (hard to believe, I know) throat knotted up, all kinds of screaming in my head, but nothing coming out of my mouth. And it really doesn't help if someone points out that my face and body language show that I am angry.
But I was beyond pissed. Angry at the situation, angry that I wasn't doing a very good job of controlling my thoughts, angry about it all. As I have gotten older I have learned to keep my mouth shut. There is not going to be anything constructive come out anyway, so clamp down, grind the teeth together, cool down. Then come back and deal with it later.
Words to the old song, "Angry words, oh let them never, from the tongue unbridled slip." These are good words, wise words. A day later, it is nice to know that the teaching from the last 50 years or so has finally sunk in. I did not lose my cool. I shut down to keep from exploding, got my heart rate back to normal, and left on a business trip. I will deal with the issues later, in a more controlled and thoughtful way.
What needs to happen now is the de-briefing. Why was I so angry? What prompted this internal eruption? Is it simply the situation or are there other issues? unspoken? un-examined? I will let you know.
I will say this, it sure cleared the room. The other folks wanted no part of this. When my boss asked me if I wanted to say anything, I looked him in the eye and said, "no" Clearly he was looking for an outburst. I think it concerns people to be around others who have significant internal control, even when it is apparent that they are having to control it.
Sigh.
Godspeed, a disaster averted. I am now trudging along on this journey, deep in thought and self-reflection. But feeling better that I didn't give in to the terrible urge to lash out.
Don
But every once in a while, there is a moment, a situation that just goes all over me. What surprises me is the suddenness of it all. For some odd reason I never see it coming. One minute I'm sitting there, calm as can be, the next moment I am so angry that I'm speechless (hard to believe, I know) throat knotted up, all kinds of screaming in my head, but nothing coming out of my mouth. And it really doesn't help if someone points out that my face and body language show that I am angry.
But I was beyond pissed. Angry at the situation, angry that I wasn't doing a very good job of controlling my thoughts, angry about it all. As I have gotten older I have learned to keep my mouth shut. There is not going to be anything constructive come out anyway, so clamp down, grind the teeth together, cool down. Then come back and deal with it later.
Words to the old song, "Angry words, oh let them never, from the tongue unbridled slip." These are good words, wise words. A day later, it is nice to know that the teaching from the last 50 years or so has finally sunk in. I did not lose my cool. I shut down to keep from exploding, got my heart rate back to normal, and left on a business trip. I will deal with the issues later, in a more controlled and thoughtful way.
What needs to happen now is the de-briefing. Why was I so angry? What prompted this internal eruption? Is it simply the situation or are there other issues? unspoken? un-examined? I will let you know.
I will say this, it sure cleared the room. The other folks wanted no part of this. When my boss asked me if I wanted to say anything, I looked him in the eye and said, "no" Clearly he was looking for an outburst. I think it concerns people to be around others who have significant internal control, even when it is apparent that they are having to control it.
Sigh.
Godspeed, a disaster averted. I am now trudging along on this journey, deep in thought and self-reflection. But feeling better that I didn't give in to the terrible urge to lash out.
Don
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
I don't Know Nuthin' 'bout Birthin' no Babies.
I love that line from the classic "Gone With the Wind" A movie more famous for the stunning line, "Frankly, Scarlet, I don't give a damn." First time a curse word found it's way onto the big screen. Now you can't make a movie without a stream of cussing. A couple of years ago I was going to use clip from the movie Field of Dreams, while the clip ran in class, the cuss words kept jumping out at me. It was like the cuss words all of a sudden were three times louder than the rest of the dialog. I wonder why we aren't at that church anymore?
Anyway, I digress. I call my dad about once or twice a week. We visit about the livestock at the farm, the wildlife (currently the big news is trapping wild hogs, since they are tearing up his fence-line) We visit about people that I don't know, and catch up on extended people that I do know, but don't interact with all that often. Recently we seem to be talking about funerals, who he is going to, which ones he is serving in, etc.
But yesterday, while sitting in Dallas traffic, he told me the most amazing thing, "We have five great-grandchildren on the way." FIVE! Of course one of them is my D-i-L, with the incomparable name of Isaac (meaning laughter) then two daughters from my sister, Dad's wife's granddaughter, and finally my nephew and his wife. They have been married for ten years, and frankly we had just assumed that they were not going to participate in this event.
But FIVE?!? I told dad we needed a scorecard to keep everyone straight, he commented that at his age he could get away with mixing up all the names. Actually, I keep calling my youngest grandson Eli, instead of Lincoln, so I'm following a great tradition handed down by my father.
So while the number is stunning, it is a great comfort to me that this is occurring. Since the great-grandparents are long-time kingdom residents, and every grandparent is as well, and the kids (the parents-to-be) are all believers, then my mind is little more settled about our future. Faith is handed down from generation to generation, recrafted to fit the times, but true and effective for all times. As church leaders fret and moan and fidget..FAMILIES carry forth the mission of God, organic, honest, and durable.
God in his infinite wisdom gave the Divine Love quotient to parents, not organizations. Parents will sacrifice all for their babies, organizations will sacrifice all the babies for their continuity.
To quote another movie, "The sacrifice of many for the good of the one."
I love movies, they are the cultural language of our time. My apologies to my children, I could not think of a way to use, "As you wish." in this blog, perhaps next time.
Godspeed out there. We are gathering quite a crowd behind us.
Don
Anyway, I digress. I call my dad about once or twice a week. We visit about the livestock at the farm, the wildlife (currently the big news is trapping wild hogs, since they are tearing up his fence-line) We visit about people that I don't know, and catch up on extended people that I do know, but don't interact with all that often. Recently we seem to be talking about funerals, who he is going to, which ones he is serving in, etc.
But yesterday, while sitting in Dallas traffic, he told me the most amazing thing, "We have five great-grandchildren on the way." FIVE! Of course one of them is my D-i-L, with the incomparable name of Isaac (meaning laughter) then two daughters from my sister, Dad's wife's granddaughter, and finally my nephew and his wife. They have been married for ten years, and frankly we had just assumed that they were not going to participate in this event.
But FIVE?!? I told dad we needed a scorecard to keep everyone straight, he commented that at his age he could get away with mixing up all the names. Actually, I keep calling my youngest grandson Eli, instead of Lincoln, so I'm following a great tradition handed down by my father.
So while the number is stunning, it is a great comfort to me that this is occurring. Since the great-grandparents are long-time kingdom residents, and every grandparent is as well, and the kids (the parents-to-be) are all believers, then my mind is little more settled about our future. Faith is handed down from generation to generation, recrafted to fit the times, but true and effective for all times. As church leaders fret and moan and fidget..FAMILIES carry forth the mission of God, organic, honest, and durable.
God in his infinite wisdom gave the Divine Love quotient to parents, not organizations. Parents will sacrifice all for their babies, organizations will sacrifice all the babies for their continuity.
To quote another movie, "The sacrifice of many for the good of the one."
I love movies, they are the cultural language of our time. My apologies to my children, I could not think of a way to use, "As you wish." in this blog, perhaps next time.
Godspeed out there. We are gathering quite a crowd behind us.
Don
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