I met Betty Evelyn Lindsey in 1973 while in romantic pursuit of her daughter who would become my bride for the next half century (almost). As in most cases by young, in-love young men I did not pay much attention to my bride-to-be's parents. They were a normal hurdle to get over to marry the one of my dreams.
But the intervening years have been filled with moments that involved Betty known as Bado to the family. My youngest daughter caught her essence pretty well in a FB post pointing out correctly that she was not the "let's bake cookies" grandmother. Nor was she the wisdom dispensing mother-in-law. As my daughter pointed out she was stubborn and independent. And she was those things. Other words I would use are fiesty and independent.
She had a hard time in life. She lived in a problematic marriage, she was extreme in her opinions on politics and religion, she could exasperate the best of us. But there were some other qualities as well. Qualities that I see crop up in my bride. The most basic quality is one of enduring strength.
It would have been understandable for her to give up, to stop flailing at the winds life kept blowing her way. But she stood defiant in the efforts to subdue her. She might say outlandish things, she might get on your last nerve, but she was a force in the family and to those around her and she never shied away from letting you know how she felt.
The other quality that my bride shares with her is this. At the end of the most intense arguments where voices were raised and doors were slammed, she would insist on a hug from each family member as the family was gathering up to leave. While moments before you might be ready to push her down a flight of stairs, she would insist on a hug. You still might be tempted to see if the hug could be especially tight we all usually gave in. If you were family she would hug you and tell you she loved you. It was up to you to deal with the dissonance of your own emotions.
She and I had our own run-ins. Especially after my kids came along. It was important to draw the boundaries and make it clear (she was not good at understanding subtelty). But as mentioned above, she would insist on a hug and a fairwell "yoohoo" as the car pulled away. We all joke about the yoohoo now, making us chuckle as we leave each other in a sort of tribute to her and Aunt Bess (gone these few years) and the last of the surviving sisters, Marianna.
For the past year the primary care has fallen to my bride. It has been long and difficult struggle and the independence that so fully described Bado was finally taken from her. Bado struggled this past year with numerous health complications and a continual decline. It wasn't until the health finally left this almost 92 year old that the independence finally was burned away. However, the strength and the independence lives on in my bride, but this time around seasoned with grace.
Godspeed, Bado, you were one of a kind. Rest assured you left some really good things behind. And I am especially grateful you left me with the love of my life.
Don
