Thundering Silence

I read the following quote the other day and since it resonated so deeply with me, I thought I would share it with you.

"Jesus has a very special love for you, but as for me, the silence and emptiness is so great, that I look and do not see, -listen and do not hear- the tongue moves {in prayer} but does not speak.."

Several years ago I developed a fascination for, what Dallas Willard calls, "spiritual habits." Prayer being the foundation of these habits. I read Foster's book Celebration of Discipline every three years, one chapter a week for reflection and recommitment to the habits of a spiritual life. My journal (started in 2002) is filled with prayers I have written, psalms that are lifted to God, honest struggles about my shortcomings, questions to God and about God. I am fully vested in the spiritual journey. So when I read the quote above, it made sense to me because, you see, all I hear is a thunderous silence.
There has been ample opportunity for me to spend large chunks of time in prayer, the darkness of having a daughter who is in her third battle with cancer, losing my mom when she was only 57, losing my ministry after gambling our future and my marriage, having those who should have been caring for me and about me wounding me the deepest, these are the very circumstances of deep and meaningful prayer. To be curled up on the floor, legs drawn to your chest, your arms wrapped tightly around your knees and your forehead squeezed as closely as possible to the tops of your knees, rocking back and forth imploring God to please end the pain, then you understand the depths that the human soul can plummet. To implore God for release from the darkness of the trauma and to hear......nothing. The silence roaring in your ears and in your heart, to reach the point where you wonder if you are, after all is said and done, alone.

Yes, I "get" the quote above. But I also read of my savior on a cross, crying out, "why have you forsaken me?" or in my head, "Where are you now, when I need you the most?" You see he stood on the threshold of darkness and prayed and heard....nothing. He had to approach the threshold of darkness just like us, on faith.
Prayer is the articulation of faith, it is not the measure of faith. So we keep on doing what we should do, helping those less fortunate, carrying their backpacks if need be, resting when we have to. We need to be honest enough, though, to make sure that when others ask us about our journey that we can say, "I don't know all the answers, I just do the next right thing." and we have faith that this integrity of spirit will be rewarded.
By the way, the quote was from a letter written by Mother Theresa to her postulator, her spiritual guide.
Godspeed my friends.
Don