Faith Communities...Or Church

Last night I was organizing and filing away all my papers and lesson plans from my second tour of duty in college. There is some great stuff there, but who needs the papers that I wrote, with all the professor's red marks and comments? Not me. So I was throwing away a bunch of stuff and glancing through notes I made to see if there was anything of value, when I came across this quote, "The Church of Christ is gone forever, all we have left are museums." In my usual meticulous fashion I didn't write down the author of the quote, but I wondered what had led him/her to that conclusion? I think we have all had days where we would agree, but as I pondered this quote a couple of things came to my mind.

I'm currently in a group that is doing the preliminary work of visiting with men who have a desire to serve as elders/shepherds/spiritual leaders of the congregation where we are attending. The group developed a set of questions and the one that I always get to ask is, "As one who will be responsible for the spiritual development of the members, what does that look like? What are the ingredients of that process?" Ummm, let's see, ummm. Wow, what a good question. Does it not bother anyone else that we don't even think in those terms? Shouldn't a spiritual leader be able to articulate a process? These men have all raised children to adult believers, wasn't there some reflection on what this looks like? Shouldn't we all have an internal process that we can articulate about our own development? This lack of focus bothers me.

If we don't have men leading us who have a clear concept of spiritual formation, how can we develop a community of faith that exhibits "informed judgement"? You see, I think the church should be a community of people who see things as they truly are and can articulate the truth, both ancient and modern. Instead, we have men and women who are stuck in a particular theological spot, and seem quite happy to stay there. Consequently we have churches that seem to settle back instead of being a continuing force in the world around them. I used to think that the reason the christian movement has lost its' way is because we have lost the desire to evangelize. In reality, I think the words of a preacher friend of mine captures the real problem, "I'd rather catch 'em, than clean 'em" Spiritual development is hard work, it is long-term, and it frequently is disappointing. So we would rather develop programs than people, we would rather build an organization than feed an organism.

It would do my heart a lot of good, if someone would spend 20 minutes explaining to me the ideas they have about spiritual formation, and have to be cut off at that. I think this is the very reason that very small groups work so well. A lot of spiritual formation is mentor/protege, mature leading immature along the path, You can't do this with 75 people, or even 30. And if you want to develop leaders it is almost a one-on-one deal. Spiritual formation is not a 4-year degree, it is a life long journey, pulling along those that follow.

If you have thoughts about this, I would love to hear them. I have a fairly developed view of this, but am always looking to add to the arsenal.

Museums tend to be visited a lot, but not habitat ed. Could this be what the author meant? Could it be that because we don't see the true value of spiritually forming people that the church has become a collection of ancient and quaint ideas and doctrines? Are we now in a spot where the true church is a "remnant" rather than a community? Questions on questions.

Godspeed, let me know.
Don

Christmas is Coming!

My bride and I have entered into a very interesting time in our journey. Our kids are all grown, have all gotten off my payroll, found wonderful mates, and begun producing some of the finest grandkids ever..Each of our kids chose to ignore our advice, marry an orphan. They all chose to marry people from big families, with holiday traditions and holiday plans. So, my bride and I have to accommodate to holidays where we either have the entire crew (what we refer to as the "good" holiday) or have a much quieter holiday (what we refer to as the "sucky" holiday) The quiet holidays are actually not that bad. We get some time to do some things and spend time with people we might not normally visit.

And with all that said, this is our "good" Christmas. All the kids and kids-in-laws and grandkids are headed our way. Now let me tell you a little about my bride, this chick LOVES holidays..all of them. She sends care packages to the grandkids for Valentine's Day with red and white M&Ms. She sends a care package on July 4th, birthdays, graduations, Thanksgiving. But her favorite, by far - not even close, is Christmas. She has, over the years, collected an impressive assortment of snowmen. We pulled all this down from the attic the week of Thanksgiving and before I knew it we had an entire battalion of snowmen camped on the hearth, awaiting their posting, some to the mantle, some to shelves, some just posted randomly around the house. It is not uncommon to find a snowman still at his post in mid-March. Sort of like those Japanese soldiers they used to find on those little atolls in the Pacific, not knowing if the war was over, but thrilled to be found and sent home.

So my bride loves everything about the event, the shopping, the planning, the anticipation. The only thing that makes her cranky is my lower key approach to the entire event. Now, don't get me wrong, I love Christmas, but the comparison to the level of enthusiasm as compared to my bride gets me branded as a Grinch. Comparing our attitude towards the holiday is like comparing my golf game to Tiger Wood's (although with his distractions right now I might could make a game of it) I love the time together, the memories that this holiday throws off like so much confetti, the food, the laughter, the good tears, the hugs, the snuggling, and simply the time together. It is the realization that time is not on our side, the Christmases left are fewer than the ones ahead.

So here is to those who find the joy in the season whether as the Christmas believer or the anywhere along the spectrum. And especially to my bride..the greatest gift of my life, thank you for being you.

Godpeed
Don

How sad..but not uncommon

I have followed with interest the travails of Tiger Woods this week. So much prestige, so much pride, so much entitlement, swirling the drain. Even in his "apology" he is pointing fingers, lashing out at the same media that made him what he is. I tell myself often, and anyone else who will listen, a true and sincere apology comes with no caveats. "I am sorry." Period. No "but" after the first three words. I am sorry, truly spoken, focuses the blame on me, not the victim, not the ones who ferreted out the truth...me. This is, by far, the hardest apology to make. To stand before the one whom you have injured and open the heart and soul to the one who has been harmed and wait for the judgement that is due.

We live in a society that lives vicariously through the famous, the glamorous, the fortunate. We hang on their words (regardless of the validity of those words) We buy their stuff, we tell them in ways big and small that they are the reality of our world. I was tickled to hear Seinfeld say in a roast one time that he is stunned that people listen to actors at all. "They are told where to stand, what to say, and how to say it. Then we give them a microphone and hang on their very words." How true.

So how did this happen? How can a guy with so much to lose, act so recklessly? Logically you would have to say that he wasn't thinking, at all. He disregarded not only the common-sense decisions, he disregarded the moral and ethical decisions as well. You can blame it on entitlement, maybe he just felt like he was impervious to any consequences. Perhaps the blame is on the system, it wasn't his fault. Oh wait, maybe he is sick, addicted to love, so to speak.

Over the years I have been able to observe men who suffered a "moral breakdown" Some of these guys I knew, some I observed from a little distance, and some I observed through the lens of the popular media. I believe there is a single common theme to all these failures. Putting it simply, I think they did not have any advisor in their life that they admired more than themselves. You see when a man sees himself as the ultimate authority he can rationalize anything. I deserve the extra money, she doesn't appreciate me the way this new person does, no one else understands. We can talk ourselves into anything. I have been fortunate to have other men in my life who I admired more than I admire my version of myself. The first is my dad. I have never met anyone with more personal integrity than he has. I have never known him to lie, either verbally or emotionally. He instilled deeply in me the importance of truth, to myself and to others. So early on I had a man in my life who thought it worthwhile to teach me honesty. Then as the years rolled by other men came into my life who took the time and effort to teach me the importance of living a life of integrity. Even today, I have a few men who watch my life and call my hand on moments when I seem to be wandering off base.

You see when men who have a level of celebrity morally fail, it points to lack of accountability that we need as men. But that accountability has to be with men we admire more than we admire our vision of ourselves. This episode may well cost Tiger more than money, or his prestige, or his family. It may well cost him his deluded picture of himself. He needs to find someone he admires, not because they make more money (few do) or because they are a better athlete, or because they share a similar spotlight, but because they have shown the ability to live a life of integrity, whatever the cost.

Accountability is an awesome word. It is a word that compels us to open our lives up to inspection, to open our thoughts and actions up to a higher power.

Tiger failed because he did not value the need to find a man who could tell him his life was on a path of destruction. How sad...but not uncommon.

Godspeed out there guys..find a spiritual exemplar, it is almost impossible without them.
Don

Lost Maples...

Sometimes an unexpected turn in the road surprises us with the greatest gifts. There was a group of us who wanted to take a trip, we didn't know where, but all of us being empty-nesters, we decided to take a car trip. After much research and debate, and a casual comment by my bride about "Lost Maples" we formed up plans. We decided on the weekend before Thanksgiving, probably because some of us had family duties. There was only one scheduling hitch that came late and entailed a late night drive with us guys, but other than that it was a good plan.

As the weekend unfolded it became evident that we had all been under some stress or other because we simply wanted to veg. No plans, no agendas, no appointments. We drove to Austin on Friday night, stayed in a hotel, got up the next morning and hunted for a Panera Bread (my favorite and no luck) a Starbucks (second choice, but no luck) and found a La Madeleine (good choice and good food and good coffee) We ate and headed out for Leakey (good luck finding it on the map, it ain't very big) The drive took us through Johnson City, where we found a nice little winery call Texas Hills with a pretty good cab and a recipe for "mulled" wine, sort of a cider, but made with Merlot..tasty. Then we drove quickly through Fredericksburg and headed for Kerrville. We ate at a place that had originally started out life as a train depot. I had an "Axis" burger, which I assumed was a derivative of the Axis deer, not a statement about the WWII enemy alliance. Good burger, though, with great blue cheese.
Then we settled in for the last leg of the journey to Leakey and the cabin/house we had rented on the Frio river.
There is not a direct route from here to there in that part of the country. You either have to go around a mountain, or to the next river crossing, or find a road that goes all the way through, not many did. But we finally arrived at our destination and it was great. No one around, quiet, cool, late-in-the-day settling time. My buddy Doug went down to the river to fly-fish. He waded to the best looking fishing holes, but did make the comment that they don't call it the Frio for nothing..it was COLD! I pulled out my little spinning reel, made a couple of tosses and lost interest, apparently about a day after the fish had lost interest. So I headed back to house to cook dinner, somewhere in the past couple of decades I decided I would rather cook than fish.
Dinner with close friends may be the best tonic for our high-velocity lives. Banter and jokes, insight and shared troubles, concern for kids and grandkids all flow around a good meal. Breaking bread together is truly a spiritual experience.
Drove deep into the night to pick up the last member of our little band, then back to the cabin around 2AM.

Woke up at 6:30. ready to roll, my bride does not find this endearing. I am somewhat of an extrovert and when I'm up I really look forward to visiting with someone...anyone...even those who would rather be asleep...

What a great Sunday. I had a nap...wait, not just a doze, a real, everyone left the room and me alone, 2 hour dead-to-the-world nap. The wake up disoriented kind of nap. Refreshing and deep..now where did everyone go? I need to tell someone!

Steaks on the grill, a good cabernet, recycling the day. Memories with people who you love.

Our only agenda item for the weekend (a nod to our planner, Janet) was to visit Lost Maples State Park. Breathtaking, particularly the long hikes.
This is my favorite picture of the bunch...my bride and I amongst the lost maples.


Lost Maples..lost weekend.. rediscovered sanity.

Godspeed out there, get a little lost every once in a while. It does the soul good.
Don

18 inches of attitude

Not long ago my bride and I drove north to Lewisville to visit our newest grandson, and of course his parents. As we blasted north we were able to legally participate in the traffic phenomenon known as the HOV lane..high occupancy vehicle. Now, I'm not sure you could really describe two people in a blazer as "high occupancy" We had plenty of room for another two or three. Of course if you were able to squeeze in four or five more, now that would be high occupancy.

Anyway, early in entering the HOV lane the traffic in the regular lanes were moving at the same speed as those of us fortunate to have a travel companion. This was annoying. Why have a lane just for those of us who could cultivate and keep relationships and then move along at the same speed as the loners? Then the most marvelous thing happened, traffic in the regular lanes slowed down! Yes! Now we really have something. With my nose just a little higher in the air, I could really scoot by those lonely suckers in the other lanes.

So we blasted along, smug in our HOV-ness. Going through downtown Dallas the HOV lane disappears. We have been funneled into the crowd. How can it be that one minute you are flying along as one of the privileged, then due to some stupid striping machine you are just another car in a long line of other cars. Eighteen inches separated the attitude of privilege from the beaten masses.

Of course I have been on the other side of the line far more than the privileged side. For years I commuted from south of Dallas to north of Dallas, every day, one hour each way, by myself, hoping that those snobs in the HOV lane would run into a bottleneck and have to watch the rest of us creep by on the right. It would make my day to watch them fume as I slowly drove by, rarely able to hide my smirk.

You see, the attitude is not really on one side of the line or the other. The line is in our head. We divide into people into groups and decide which ones we will feel superior over. In reality circumstances decide when we are privileged and when we are common. We move back and forth over that line as easily as we do when in a car and the line is just so much lead paint on the tarmac. It is always good for me to have to drive on both sides and be disappointed when I realize that the lanes can slow and I can decide how I will handle it.

Boy, if you really want to get me started let me tell you what I think about the grocery store lines.

Godspeed.
Don

This Will Hurt Me More Than You..Or Not

My posts rarely reference a work situation, mainly because I have no idea who reads this blog, and I don't want to create problems at work. With that said, there are situations that we have to deal with at work that reflect our approach to all the different threads in the fabric of our lives.

I had to let a guy go yesterday that I genuinely liked. He was not a particularly good seller, he had a lot going on in his life, and he still didn't get it. But it kills me to intentionally hurt someone. Oh, I can come up with all the rationalizations for the move, his performance affects a lot of people, he had plenty of warning, it was best for the company, blah, blah, blah. The end result is that a guy now has to deal with the big question of "how do I find another place to work in this sorry economy."

As I sat there and explained the rationale, all I could see was the stunned, hurt look on his face. The emotions ran from disbelief, to sadness, then to anger. The feeble attempt to defend himself, his numbers, his action or lack of action were all in vain. But in the end, he just got up and walked away. I felt like a heel.

There is a tendency to assign poor motives to the other person. To make him understand that it was his lack of knowledge, lack of ability, his laziness, whatever that led to this. But somewhere back in my past, it occurred to me that the moment of termination there lies a truism that as his boss I failed. My job in the purest sense is to maximize the talents of those around me, and in this case I didn't do that. It became easier to simply let him go than go through the arduous task of retraining him. I am jealous of those people who can assign blame outside themselves. At some level, this was my fault, along with his. But the suffering will be born by him alone.

So this morning I got up, spent a little extra time in my disciplines, prayed for someone who truly hates my guts at the moment, and ran to the nearest Panera for a bagel and coffee. The really sad part is that now I can move on, still employed, rested from my disciplines...with only a lingering regret. We are a truly perverse animal.

Godspeed. I think I better find someone to be nice to today
Don

It Is Raining

In Texas for the past few months it has been raining. Oh I don't mean the little thundershowers we used to get in Houston everyday, at 2PM, for 22 minutes, which ratcheted the humidity from 95% to 100%. I mean the clouds settling in for days and the rain just comes down. When the sun finally peeks out, it is like walking out of a movie theater from an afternoon matinee. You can't squench your eyes tight enough.
We have definitely had our share of rain.

But this is not the rain I speak of. For months my bride and I have been in deep, intense prayer for each of our children. It is one of those moments where each one had situations in their lives that preoccupied our minds and drove us to our knees in prayer. There were days where I walked around and pleaded with God to resolve this situation or that. Now I know where the caricature of an old man puttering around in his life..muttering. He is praying, constantly, incessantly, asking for some resolution, some small answer to his life's questions over which he is powerless. The rain that I speak of is when God decides to answer the prayers.

I don't know the ins and outs of God's wisdom. He says that our ways are not His ways, that our thoughts are not His thoughts. So I know that there may never be a full understanding of what He does and when and how and why. Here is what I do know. Sometimes He answers all our prayers at once. It is like He keeps placing answers in a big bucket, then at a time of His choosing, he just dumps it out on our lives. Drenching us from head to foot in His blessings. This tends to leave us stunned and in tears, speechless and overwhelmed. At least it does me.

So the other day, in the least likely place I can imagine, He decided to answer. I was sitting in my rent car, having just completed a rather contentious conference call with a customer, when one of my kids called and told me God's answer to almost two years of constant prayer. This on the heels of answering a month of agonizing prayer for our new grandson, and following 20 years of prayer for our oldest. AS I gazed at Camel Rock formation in Northern New Mexico, my eyes blurred and my throat constricted, and my faith regenerated. It rained blessings on a sometimes stubborn, hard to deal with servant in the middle of no where. And so I responded in the only true masculine way I could..I cried, deep, grateful, overwhelmed tears. He rains blessings, I rain tears.

Now the sun is out. The blessings continue to flow, the spiritual earth around me is vibrant again. The spring rains of God's blessings has revitalized the spiritual landscape. God is good..all the time..God is good.

Godspeed. Enjoy the rain, it cools and refreshes the spirit.
Don