How sad..but not uncommon

I have followed with interest the travails of Tiger Woods this week. So much prestige, so much pride, so much entitlement, swirling the drain. Even in his "apology" he is pointing fingers, lashing out at the same media that made him what he is. I tell myself often, and anyone else who will listen, a true and sincere apology comes with no caveats. "I am sorry." Period. No "but" after the first three words. I am sorry, truly spoken, focuses the blame on me, not the victim, not the ones who ferreted out the truth...me. This is, by far, the hardest apology to make. To stand before the one whom you have injured and open the heart and soul to the one who has been harmed and wait for the judgement that is due.

We live in a society that lives vicariously through the famous, the glamorous, the fortunate. We hang on their words (regardless of the validity of those words) We buy their stuff, we tell them in ways big and small that they are the reality of our world. I was tickled to hear Seinfeld say in a roast one time that he is stunned that people listen to actors at all. "They are told where to stand, what to say, and how to say it. Then we give them a microphone and hang on their very words." How true.

So how did this happen? How can a guy with so much to lose, act so recklessly? Logically you would have to say that he wasn't thinking, at all. He disregarded not only the common-sense decisions, he disregarded the moral and ethical decisions as well. You can blame it on entitlement, maybe he just felt like he was impervious to any consequences. Perhaps the blame is on the system, it wasn't his fault. Oh wait, maybe he is sick, addicted to love, so to speak.

Over the years I have been able to observe men who suffered a "moral breakdown" Some of these guys I knew, some I observed from a little distance, and some I observed through the lens of the popular media. I believe there is a single common theme to all these failures. Putting it simply, I think they did not have any advisor in their life that they admired more than themselves. You see when a man sees himself as the ultimate authority he can rationalize anything. I deserve the extra money, she doesn't appreciate me the way this new person does, no one else understands. We can talk ourselves into anything. I have been fortunate to have other men in my life who I admired more than I admire my version of myself. The first is my dad. I have never met anyone with more personal integrity than he has. I have never known him to lie, either verbally or emotionally. He instilled deeply in me the importance of truth, to myself and to others. So early on I had a man in my life who thought it worthwhile to teach me honesty. Then as the years rolled by other men came into my life who took the time and effort to teach me the importance of living a life of integrity. Even today, I have a few men who watch my life and call my hand on moments when I seem to be wandering off base.

You see when men who have a level of celebrity morally fail, it points to lack of accountability that we need as men. But that accountability has to be with men we admire more than we admire our vision of ourselves. This episode may well cost Tiger more than money, or his prestige, or his family. It may well cost him his deluded picture of himself. He needs to find someone he admires, not because they make more money (few do) or because they are a better athlete, or because they share a similar spotlight, but because they have shown the ability to live a life of integrity, whatever the cost.

Accountability is an awesome word. It is a word that compels us to open our lives up to inspection, to open our thoughts and actions up to a higher power.

Tiger failed because he did not value the need to find a man who could tell him his life was on a path of destruction. How sad...but not uncommon.

Godspeed out there guys..find a spiritual exemplar, it is almost impossible without them.
Don