World Changer

Last night we received the news that one of our dear friends lost her dad. It was not unexpected. He had been ill for quite some time, on hospice for several weeks, a multitude of problems. They had made a visit to Dallas in August when their granddaughter was married, he came but even then spent a day or so in the hospital before they could travel home.

I'm saying all this because it impacts us when people we know and love are hurting. I think there is something significant added when the opposite-sex parent passes away. There is a shift in the world, a slightly out-of-focus feeling that dims the joy for a time. You see, I think that we get most of our views about the opposite sex from the parent that represents that gender. How we interact with our spouses, our kids that don't share our gender, office partners, friends, etc. is all developed in that first significant interaction with our parent of that same group. For guys to lose their mothers, as I have, or women to lose their dads, as my bride has, severs the connection to the "original." We now feel that we are on our own. Of course this is predicated on having some sort of decent relationship with that parent, but even if the relationship was rocky, or abusive, or distant, the disconnection creates a disturbance in our world.

When my mom passed away we were desperately trying to get there in time. We didn't. I walked into the hospital room, saw the empty bed and knew that I had missed the moment. Oh we knew for months this moment was coming..sooner rather than later, but the suddenness and the finality were overwhelming. I remember June Ice grasping my arms just above the elbows and staring into my face and telling me she was "gone." Gone, what an odd word for that moment. She was not alive, but her memory was far from gone. It is said that when there are no living humans who remember your name..then you are gone. I have felt that I probably should go apologize to June for being such a lump. I couldn't think of anything to say. There are snippets of memories about the next few days, but there is no denying that the event changed the shape of my world and my heart permanently.

Godspeed Rebecca, travel safe the next few days will be filled with tears and trouble, smiles and hugs, memories and dimmed future, separation and intimacy. The white noise you hear in your head is normal, it quiets in time. We love you, hurt with you, most of all..we understand.

Don