Before and After

29 years ago today my bride delivered to us a 9lb., blond-headed boy. We lived in Dallas at the time, the summer of 1980 still holds the record for the number 100+ days in a row. Westinghouse Credit had promoted and moved me to credit analyst (all my in-law children are now choking back laughter or rolling their eyes) in Dallas. This was a move that gave me whopping $500 a year raise. I was mowing lawns in the evenings and on weekends to make extra money, needless to say I was a little trimmer and tanned in those days.

So along comes this little bundle of low-toned baby boy. Daddy's heads in these moments are filled with visions of hunting and camping and little league. Somewhere down the road is the prospect of teaching him to drive, to "pal" around together, he would "get" the dad thing. Pride would come in the touchdown catch, watching the ball hit hands, tipped to shoulder pad, snagged at last for the score, the stands erupting in cheers, a moment of calm in your heart competing for the immense pride, blurred by the tears of the moment.
And now those moments are gone..held close, but memories in the past, not moments to be anticipated.

So what did I teach this baby boy?
I look into my own heart and see all the moments missed, words spoken in anger instead of encouragement, work over play, regret covering satisfaction. This is the burden parents carry. But, as they say, the proof is in the pudding. Now before me is a man of integrity, a man "without guile"; a man who loves his wife over all others. I don't fully understand his world, graphic design, an artist ( I can't draw a cat that looks like a cat) a gamer, quiet, introspective, but intuitive. A man that reminds me more of my father than of myself.

Somewhere in his time with us he learned the value of honesty, justice, compassion, and sacrifice. There is no doubt that his mother instilled deep in his being the traits that are so needed in this world. But I hope that somewhere in our time together he learned from me the value of treating people right, of facing bullies in this world, of savoring the moment - whatever that moment is, to live life unique to yourself, of finding his divine place in this world.
So, here is a moment dedicated to you, Ben, you are the one of the two best men I know.. you and dad, before me and following me.
Godspeed, may God grant all your dreams to be fulfilled.
I love you.
Dad