After much reflection and years of experience (36 to be exact) I have decided that the cause of most marital conflict is two-fold.
Here is an example of a conversation just this morning. I am in the shower after our workout, my bride is at the sink doing whatever it is that women do in front of the mirror.
She says something to me that sounds like, "What are we doing today?"
I respond to her question, "We are meeting Ben and Sarah for lunch at CPK in north Dallas!"
No answer.
As I think about what to wear, I yell, "What is the temp supposed to be today?"
She yanks open the shower door and claims that is exactly what she just asked me, so she guesses the answer is "CPK!"
In years gone by this entire exchange might have been the distant roll of thunder leading up to a violent thunderstorm of marital unrest. I don't listen, she doesn't answer my questions, on and on. Now we laugh.
Experts tell us that lack of communication is one of the primary causes of divorce. I submit that the primary cause is too much communication! Oh, we guys learn early the folly of responding to trap questions like, "Does this make me look fat?" or "Which of these shoes do you like best?" After 36 years we have the scars to show for these missteps. You can't fool us with these anymore. But we still get drawn off-sides by the blather of the so-called "experts" that tell us we must open up the cupboard and bare our souls over any and all questions. It seems to me that we need to spend a little time thinking about what we will fight about, and what is simply not worth the effort.
Here are some areas of past conflict that simply don't need to be revisited:
Me: Good at discussing home improvement, in favor of home improvement, like shopping for home improvement, don't mind buying materials for home improvement..don't like DOING home improvement.
Her: Getting knick-knacks for the house. I'm being kind here. She can find beauty in stuff that has lost its usefulness long ago, but she crafts it into all manner of decorations. I don't get it.
But why fight about these things? We have long ago established the argument guidelines, we don't need to revisit them. It is pretty clear after 36 years there is little hope for fundamental change. So why should we over-communicate on issues we will never agree on? Our marriage is better by letting it go.
Which leads to the second one. Energy. We simply don't have the energy to engage in full combat any more. Besides, it wastes time. Every once in a while someone will fire a round across the DMZ just to see if the other one is alert, but generally we are through fighting. I think we have called it a draw. We are like two old pugilists after 15 rounds, arm weary, heads down, bloody and beaten, and simply too tired to keep fighting. I think divorce happens when people marry out of their weight class.
So kids, here is my advice.
1. If your partner has not changed their ways in the first six months, the problem is yours, not theirs. Their DNA is not going to change. So think long and hard how much of this you can handle.
2. Marry in your weight class. Here is a good way to tell. During your dating and engagement life did you come out pretty even in your squabbles? In other words, did you win about half of the battles? If so, good. If not, you should have done a better job of due-diligence.
3. Think about what you are going to argue about. He has spent 20 years leaving the seat up. Get over it. Just make sure that if you are going to have a screaming, knock-down, call the local authorities, can't remember what you were fighting about fight, it needs to be important.
4. Finally, there is no such thing as "make-up" sex. Trust me on this one.
Godspeed, we are better people by knowing our energy limits and our ability to win.
Don
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Flu Shots
Each year around the first of October my bride begins preparations for us to get our flu shots. She starts by pointing to the CVS signs and Wal-Mart signs about flu shots. Then the comparison of which ones will take the insurance for the shot and the planning for the day and time. The school system, where she has worked for 20 years, usually makes this available for employees and those of us who are leeches on our spouses insurance.
When a time and place are located to her satisfaction she states in a rather firm voice, "We ARE going to get our shots at such and such place at such and such time!" The implication being that I have no choice. Now, let me say, I am vulnerable to the various flus that swirl through our society. I am especially vulnerable to the stomach or intestinal flus. And it is my bride that has to deal with all the fall-out (ooh, bad choice of words). It is at this point that I blame my parents.
We were raised on farm in west Texas where we had our own water source. It was a shallow, murky, moss-filled creek that ran across the back of our farm. We would pump the water from the creek into two large "settling" tanks, where my chore every day after school was to pour 2 cups of Chlorox into the tanks. As my bride and friends will tell you when they see me cook, measurements of ingredients are more guidelines than actual measurements. It was a hassle to scale the wooden ladder leaned against the tanks with a jug of Chlorox and measuring cup. So I would only haul the Chlorox up the ladder and eye-ball the measurement. Too little and no one knew(except for the mild dysentery) a little too much and a day later our drinking water had a distinct Chlorox whang to it. After the scientific treatment that I applied the water would then run through a 40' underground gravel trench to an underground storage tank where it was then pumped into the house and used for drinking water, dish and clothes washing and baths for all of us. The assumption I have about my frail digestive system is that the little hardy bugs that made it through this process have homesteaded my intestines for the past 50 years. So I fully agree with the need for the shots. I just don't like them.
Yesterday was "shot" day. We met at the school where they were inoculating all of us, stood in line and waited our turn. Getting shots is one of the only events in my life that suddenly turns me back into an 8-year-old. I know the "stick" will be minimal, I know the little bugs will keep me safe until next May, I know the after affects will be minimal, and yet I stand there screwing up my courage to be an adult. And it is harder than you think. I watched a little boy in front of me handle it like a pro, and I am thinking, "Crap, I hope I don't squeal like a little girl, this kid will make fun of me!" Punk.
So the nurse asks me, "Which arm would you prefer?" ....yours. "Did you get a shot last year?"...yes, and I cried like a baby. "There, that wasn't so bad."...really? how does your arm feel right now. My actual conversation was.."left".."yes".."thanks" For a guy who considers words his friends, I become mono-syllabic when confronted with pain. My bride left there and went to yoga. I went home, had a Blue Moon while stretched out on the couch. My recuperation method is far superior to my bride's.
For another year we have thwarted the avians and the asians and all others that would attack us with their little flu bugs. The arm is a little sore this morning and I kind of feel yucky, but that could all be in my head. My bride has accomplished one of her Fall goals, we are free to interact with impunity with the world at large.
Godspeed to all you who have been or will be "shot" this fall. We are better people for it. Unless they are using sugar water instead of the real thing. Which, by the way, is the only medicine in the USA that does not come with a warning. Hmmm.
Don
When a time and place are located to her satisfaction she states in a rather firm voice, "We ARE going to get our shots at such and such place at such and such time!" The implication being that I have no choice. Now, let me say, I am vulnerable to the various flus that swirl through our society. I am especially vulnerable to the stomach or intestinal flus. And it is my bride that has to deal with all the fall-out (ooh, bad choice of words). It is at this point that I blame my parents.
We were raised on farm in west Texas where we had our own water source. It was a shallow, murky, moss-filled creek that ran across the back of our farm. We would pump the water from the creek into two large "settling" tanks, where my chore every day after school was to pour 2 cups of Chlorox into the tanks. As my bride and friends will tell you when they see me cook, measurements of ingredients are more guidelines than actual measurements. It was a hassle to scale the wooden ladder leaned against the tanks with a jug of Chlorox and measuring cup. So I would only haul the Chlorox up the ladder and eye-ball the measurement. Too little and no one knew(except for the mild dysentery) a little too much and a day later our drinking water had a distinct Chlorox whang to it. After the scientific treatment that I applied the water would then run through a 40' underground gravel trench to an underground storage tank where it was then pumped into the house and used for drinking water, dish and clothes washing and baths for all of us. The assumption I have about my frail digestive system is that the little hardy bugs that made it through this process have homesteaded my intestines for the past 50 years. So I fully agree with the need for the shots. I just don't like them.
Yesterday was "shot" day. We met at the school where they were inoculating all of us, stood in line and waited our turn. Getting shots is one of the only events in my life that suddenly turns me back into an 8-year-old. I know the "stick" will be minimal, I know the little bugs will keep me safe until next May, I know the after affects will be minimal, and yet I stand there screwing up my courage to be an adult. And it is harder than you think. I watched a little boy in front of me handle it like a pro, and I am thinking, "Crap, I hope I don't squeal like a little girl, this kid will make fun of me!" Punk.
So the nurse asks me, "Which arm would you prefer?" ....yours. "Did you get a shot last year?"...yes, and I cried like a baby. "There, that wasn't so bad."...really? how does your arm feel right now. My actual conversation was.."left".."yes".."thanks" For a guy who considers words his friends, I become mono-syllabic when confronted with pain. My bride left there and went to yoga. I went home, had a Blue Moon while stretched out on the couch. My recuperation method is far superior to my bride's.
For another year we have thwarted the avians and the asians and all others that would attack us with their little flu bugs. The arm is a little sore this morning and I kind of feel yucky, but that could all be in my head. My bride has accomplished one of her Fall goals, we are free to interact with impunity with the world at large.
Godspeed to all you who have been or will be "shot" this fall. We are better people for it. Unless they are using sugar water instead of the real thing. Which, by the way, is the only medicine in the USA that does not come with a warning. Hmmm.
Don
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
The End Justifying the Means
Over the past several months there has been a growing realization that our society is intent on the end result at the expense of the journey. Some of you out there might be saying to yourselves that this moment of understanding is coming awfully late in my life, but I guess I held out hope that the end result and the method getting there can both be accomplished with integrity. Sadly, this does not seem to be the case.
And the truth is that this mindset pervades all aspects of our culture. We seem to be intent more on the speed of results than the method and quality of the results. Instead of exercising for an hour a day, every day, for months and years, we would rather take a pill, or undergo surgery to reap the rewards of looking healthy. We like the slim tummy and the smaller size pants, but we still can't climb stairs or lift anything over our heads without straining a muscle. The results are a cheap facsimile of the real deal. You see it takes far too long to gain the stamina, the lowered heart rate, the correct cholesterol level that good diet and extended exercise brings. We want to forgo the hassles of the journey to get to our goal..looking good.
We see the same thing in business. Questionable methods are condoned as long as the profits go up along with the sales figures. Who cares if people get hurt or marginalized in the process? At least companies these days don't spend any time on the concept of loyalty any longer..they know it is a myth, the employees certainly know it is a myth. So we develop the fastest path to the desired goals regardless of the health or well-being of anyone involved be it executives, employees, or customers. American business at least has dropped the facade of "partnership" and "best practices".
This same malady has befallen our religious arena as well. The concept of slow, careful spiritual formation has long been jettisoned for the quick hit of urban ministry. The common mantra seems to be "keep 'em busy" and they will give their money and show up enough to make the attendance look good. Church leadership seems far more interested in growing the organization than growing the weakest member. Deals are struck, communication is convoluted at best or intentionally misleading to gain the quickest resolution. And the leadership has the latent approval of the congregation to do so because no one is stupid enough to question the marketing blitz that goes on. Doesn't it make sense that if church leadership spent the time and enormous energy in developing disciples, who are Spirit and spirit led, that any initiative that the leadership felt good about would have the confidence to be completely transparent in their communication? Sadly, this is the rarity, not the common-place. We want spiritual formation NOW! Yet from my own experience it is a very slow, halting process.
Unfortunately we also see it in our families. It seems much easier to just hammer on some other family member than to try and understand their lot. We want experts to tell us what to do. Without fail when I teach my conflict management course someone will come up after class and spell out a particular problem with a kid or spouse or in-law, then stand there expectantly wanting me to give them the "answer". And after this happening dozens of times I have to take a deep breath and control my impulse to take a stab at giving them an answer! I am afflicted with the same disease! I can't come up with an answer in 30 seconds to a problem that has developed over years. No one can. But we want to subvert the process and get to an answer as quickly as possible.
Not long ago I read this quote (I wish I could remember where) "Only Bad Things Happen Quickly.." This resonated with me because it is so counter to our culture. We are not into the long haul. And we sure don't like a difficult process.
Here is what I want:
1. Understanding that the process has to have the same level of integrity that the end result will have.
2. I want organizations to act in the best interests of the least in that group, be it corporate or church or family.
3. I want the patience to undertake the slow and careful journey of doing the right things.
4. I want the wisdom to understand that good things come slowly.
5. I want the courage to confront those around me who want to circumvent the process of integrity.
Not too much to ask, do you think?
Godspeed, this journey is best enjoyed when done in the right way.
Don
And the truth is that this mindset pervades all aspects of our culture. We seem to be intent more on the speed of results than the method and quality of the results. Instead of exercising for an hour a day, every day, for months and years, we would rather take a pill, or undergo surgery to reap the rewards of looking healthy. We like the slim tummy and the smaller size pants, but we still can't climb stairs or lift anything over our heads without straining a muscle. The results are a cheap facsimile of the real deal. You see it takes far too long to gain the stamina, the lowered heart rate, the correct cholesterol level that good diet and extended exercise brings. We want to forgo the hassles of the journey to get to our goal..looking good.
We see the same thing in business. Questionable methods are condoned as long as the profits go up along with the sales figures. Who cares if people get hurt or marginalized in the process? At least companies these days don't spend any time on the concept of loyalty any longer..they know it is a myth, the employees certainly know it is a myth. So we develop the fastest path to the desired goals regardless of the health or well-being of anyone involved be it executives, employees, or customers. American business at least has dropped the facade of "partnership" and "best practices".
This same malady has befallen our religious arena as well. The concept of slow, careful spiritual formation has long been jettisoned for the quick hit of urban ministry. The common mantra seems to be "keep 'em busy" and they will give their money and show up enough to make the attendance look good. Church leadership seems far more interested in growing the organization than growing the weakest member. Deals are struck, communication is convoluted at best or intentionally misleading to gain the quickest resolution. And the leadership has the latent approval of the congregation to do so because no one is stupid enough to question the marketing blitz that goes on. Doesn't it make sense that if church leadership spent the time and enormous energy in developing disciples, who are Spirit and spirit led, that any initiative that the leadership felt good about would have the confidence to be completely transparent in their communication? Sadly, this is the rarity, not the common-place. We want spiritual formation NOW! Yet from my own experience it is a very slow, halting process.
Unfortunately we also see it in our families. It seems much easier to just hammer on some other family member than to try and understand their lot. We want experts to tell us what to do. Without fail when I teach my conflict management course someone will come up after class and spell out a particular problem with a kid or spouse or in-law, then stand there expectantly wanting me to give them the "answer". And after this happening dozens of times I have to take a deep breath and control my impulse to take a stab at giving them an answer! I am afflicted with the same disease! I can't come up with an answer in 30 seconds to a problem that has developed over years. No one can. But we want to subvert the process and get to an answer as quickly as possible.
Not long ago I read this quote (I wish I could remember where) "Only Bad Things Happen Quickly.." This resonated with me because it is so counter to our culture. We are not into the long haul. And we sure don't like a difficult process.
Here is what I want:
1. Understanding that the process has to have the same level of integrity that the end result will have.
2. I want organizations to act in the best interests of the least in that group, be it corporate or church or family.
3. I want the patience to undertake the slow and careful journey of doing the right things.
4. I want the wisdom to understand that good things come slowly.
5. I want the courage to confront those around me who want to circumvent the process of integrity.
Not too much to ask, do you think?
Godspeed, this journey is best enjoyed when done in the right way.
Don
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Backwards..Again
Over the past couple of months this conversation has entered into my world.
If we serve a God of love/mercy/forgiveness/compassion, then how can He doom mankind to eternal punishment? Our sectarian heritage makes this a tough question to answer. We have spent a hundred years articulating all the requirements for a safe passage to heaven. And this list of requirements is not easily determined nor adhered to. We are quick with the five steps, quick with what our group should look like, and quick with the doctrinal distinctives that set us apart. We have even driven it down to non-scriptural settings like non-instrumental music, two prayers at communion (not just one big prayer), structure like elders and deacons (sorry, no deaconesses) even which Bible translation is appropriate. We have piled high the criteria, then wondered why no one would want to join us.
Then a couple of years ago I read from one of the spiritual formation guys that Hell is the default setting, not Heaven. His take was to set the bar at ground level. Do you believe? And I was taken aback by the lowering of the standards. Secretly I want a lot of covert stipulations because I tend to see the waiting line as a continuum, and the harder I can make it for someone else, the better for me. So if God is as we described above wouldn't it make sense that He would set the bar as low as possible? Instead of a judgement day taken up with listing all my sins, wouldn't it make sense to have Him laugh and say, "Close enough!" Wouldn't it make sense that if He was truly as we attest that He would look for any loophole to get us into His presence? If my son committed the most egregious offense against me, but somewhere in that offense I could still detect a sliver of Love, a moment of guilt, the slightest hint of remorse, that I would embrace him anyway?
Yet we approach the Creator as one who is looking for any reason to withhold His blessings. How can this give us confidence to live? or more importantly, to die with assurance?
We have this backwards..again. Not the first time and certainly not the last. But it is the Divine nature that allows us to reexamine what we believe and why.
Godspeed, I think we need to understand that He will give us a break at the slightest opportunity.
Don
If we serve a God of love/mercy/forgiveness/compassion, then how can He doom mankind to eternal punishment? Our sectarian heritage makes this a tough question to answer. We have spent a hundred years articulating all the requirements for a safe passage to heaven. And this list of requirements is not easily determined nor adhered to. We are quick with the five steps, quick with what our group should look like, and quick with the doctrinal distinctives that set us apart. We have even driven it down to non-scriptural settings like non-instrumental music, two prayers at communion (not just one big prayer), structure like elders and deacons (sorry, no deaconesses) even which Bible translation is appropriate. We have piled high the criteria, then wondered why no one would want to join us.
Then a couple of years ago I read from one of the spiritual formation guys that Hell is the default setting, not Heaven. His take was to set the bar at ground level. Do you believe? And I was taken aback by the lowering of the standards. Secretly I want a lot of covert stipulations because I tend to see the waiting line as a continuum, and the harder I can make it for someone else, the better for me. So if God is as we described above wouldn't it make sense that He would set the bar as low as possible? Instead of a judgement day taken up with listing all my sins, wouldn't it make sense to have Him laugh and say, "Close enough!" Wouldn't it make sense that if He was truly as we attest that He would look for any loophole to get us into His presence? If my son committed the most egregious offense against me, but somewhere in that offense I could still detect a sliver of Love, a moment of guilt, the slightest hint of remorse, that I would embrace him anyway?
Yet we approach the Creator as one who is looking for any reason to withhold His blessings. How can this give us confidence to live? or more importantly, to die with assurance?
We have this backwards..again. Not the first time and certainly not the last. But it is the Divine nature that allows us to reexamine what we believe and why.
Godspeed, I think we need to understand that He will give us a break at the slightest opportunity.
Don
Thursday, October 20, 2011
I Hate This...
Last Thursday I made a mental mistake and backed my bride's Blazer into our garage door while it was still in the process of opening. The day had been a particularly ugly one and I simply forgot that the door takes a little while to go up or down. So as I backed out of the garage there was that grinding pop, as the door kicked off the rails. No damage to the car. So the door had to be tied in the closed position for security sake. We were now forced to go through the back yard and in the back door. Not huge, but a constant reminder that I had a brain hiccup and it would cost me money to get it fixed.
So I called a local guy to come fix the door. Now if you don't know how these things work let me just say that it all hinges on a large spring over the garage door, with a LOT of tension that drives the entire thing. Let me also say that if you were to unleash all that tension with all the metal rods attached..well, it would leave a mark.
Anyway, I made the comment that I was going inside to work and he could handle it himself. My final comment was a humorous attempt to let him know that I did not want be in there if something went wrong and that spring came unsprung at the wrong moment. That comment started a 10 minute story about how he wouldn't work on the spring for the first 8 years he was in this business! Come to find out he was as afraid of those things as I was! Really? You are afraid of the primary component of your livelihood? How can this be? I scurried out of there when he slowed down on the story, mumbling something about having to get back to my laptop.
But this is probably not all that uncommon. Most sales people have to fight what is known as call reluctance. I would guess there are dentists who hate to deal with cavities, teachers who would love their jobs if it weren't for the kids, preachers who love to preach, but hate to study, doctors who can't stand the sight of blood. Politicians who love to campaign, but hate to govern. We know this exists but what caught me off guard was the simple honesty of this guy in admitting it. As one who has had numerous interviews over the past 18 months, I have had to find creative ways of telling a potential employer that I love strategic planning, vision-casting, start-up and development, and execution of the plan...I hate maintenance. I have discovered over the decades that I need a great maintainer at my side to keep the entire thing running. What I have also discovered is that God built far more maintainers than he did entrepreneurs. He is a wise God. What he didn't build are HR people who understand various strengths. I have gotten good at maintenance, I just hate it. The same can be said for the dentist who can still drill and fill, the teachers who tolerate the kids, preachers who find a way to shorten the study cycle, doctors who have found good nurses, and politicians who have found really good staff members who can govern. We all accommodate our own weaknesses. And we soldier on.
The garage door now works better than before (and is quieter) Now my bride can park in the garage. Now I can set my frustration over a brain hiccup to the side and move on. All because some guy overcame his fear of springs with enormous tension, and fixed my mistake.
Godspeed to all those who have some key ingredient in their work that they hate. There is someone out there who loves that part, find them and make them your partner.
Don
So I called a local guy to come fix the door. Now if you don't know how these things work let me just say that it all hinges on a large spring over the garage door, with a LOT of tension that drives the entire thing. Let me also say that if you were to unleash all that tension with all the metal rods attached..well, it would leave a mark.
Anyway, I made the comment that I was going inside to work and he could handle it himself. My final comment was a humorous attempt to let him know that I did not want be in there if something went wrong and that spring came unsprung at the wrong moment. That comment started a 10 minute story about how he wouldn't work on the spring for the first 8 years he was in this business! Come to find out he was as afraid of those things as I was! Really? You are afraid of the primary component of your livelihood? How can this be? I scurried out of there when he slowed down on the story, mumbling something about having to get back to my laptop.
But this is probably not all that uncommon. Most sales people have to fight what is known as call reluctance. I would guess there are dentists who hate to deal with cavities, teachers who would love their jobs if it weren't for the kids, preachers who love to preach, but hate to study, doctors who can't stand the sight of blood. Politicians who love to campaign, but hate to govern. We know this exists but what caught me off guard was the simple honesty of this guy in admitting it. As one who has had numerous interviews over the past 18 months, I have had to find creative ways of telling a potential employer that I love strategic planning, vision-casting, start-up and development, and execution of the plan...I hate maintenance. I have discovered over the decades that I need a great maintainer at my side to keep the entire thing running. What I have also discovered is that God built far more maintainers than he did entrepreneurs. He is a wise God. What he didn't build are HR people who understand various strengths. I have gotten good at maintenance, I just hate it. The same can be said for the dentist who can still drill and fill, the teachers who tolerate the kids, preachers who find a way to shorten the study cycle, doctors who have found good nurses, and politicians who have found really good staff members who can govern. We all accommodate our own weaknesses. And we soldier on.
The garage door now works better than before (and is quieter) Now my bride can park in the garage. Now I can set my frustration over a brain hiccup to the side and move on. All because some guy overcame his fear of springs with enormous tension, and fixed my mistake.
Godspeed to all those who have some key ingredient in their work that they hate. There is someone out there who loves that part, find them and make them your partner.
Don
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Catching Up
This has been a crazy week. I will probably post on most of the events later when I have more time.
This week is in Houston, which might become a habit. The company I am working with is furnishing a 1-bedroom condo, rather than hotels every night. This is preferred because I can cook my own food, etc. The condo was "fully" furnished..except for trashcans, silverware, cooking utensils, paper towels, tp, bathmats, TV, Wi-Fi, coffee maker, dish drying rack (no dishwasher), any lights or light fixtures in the bedroom, or beddng. To be fair they told me to bring bedding which I did along with towels and kitchen towels. Other than that it was just as they told me. The condo is within walking distance of Reliant Stadium which rests on the old Astrodome location. Apparently Panera nor Starbucks find this to be a valuable location, none in sight. I will say that with no TV or Internet, it is very quiet in that condo, and my kids will appreciate the fact that when there is no one to talk to..I get a little restless.
Working with the company I am in the "wart finding" mode. Technology not where I was told it would be, no inventory systems, no production forecasting or planning; shipping incomplete, scattered customer base, and internal territorial battles, this is my kind of place. Spent Monday night developing a model stock position and am getting resistance from the guy who is supposed to be in charge of this. I bet him lunch that if my system can't get the back order % down less than 3%, then we can go back to his system which is running 11%. So far he has not taken me up on the bet.
Started back in on my deeper disciplines of study and meditation. No TV will do that for you. I started with Mark, only through the first few verses, but already insight is cropping up. God has a nasty way of pointing out my dark thoughts with scripture. The wilderness has been my home for the past couple of years. Mark says that Jesus, after his baptism went into the desert where he spent time with wild animals and angels. In my journal I noted that the wild animals in my life were bitterness and anger, while the angels were our dear friends who have supported us through this. Reflection is not for the faint hearted.
So now I leave the only Starbucks I could find to go back to tilting at windmills.
Godspeed, hope this message in a bottle finds you all well.
Don
This week is in Houston, which might become a habit. The company I am working with is furnishing a 1-bedroom condo, rather than hotels every night. This is preferred because I can cook my own food, etc. The condo was "fully" furnished..except for trashcans, silverware, cooking utensils, paper towels, tp, bathmats, TV, Wi-Fi, coffee maker, dish drying rack (no dishwasher), any lights or light fixtures in the bedroom, or beddng. To be fair they told me to bring bedding which I did along with towels and kitchen towels. Other than that it was just as they told me. The condo is within walking distance of Reliant Stadium which rests on the old Astrodome location. Apparently Panera nor Starbucks find this to be a valuable location, none in sight. I will say that with no TV or Internet, it is very quiet in that condo, and my kids will appreciate the fact that when there is no one to talk to..I get a little restless.
Working with the company I am in the "wart finding" mode. Technology not where I was told it would be, no inventory systems, no production forecasting or planning; shipping incomplete, scattered customer base, and internal territorial battles, this is my kind of place. Spent Monday night developing a model stock position and am getting resistance from the guy who is supposed to be in charge of this. I bet him lunch that if my system can't get the back order % down less than 3%, then we can go back to his system which is running 11%. So far he has not taken me up on the bet.
Started back in on my deeper disciplines of study and meditation. No TV will do that for you. I started with Mark, only through the first few verses, but already insight is cropping up. God has a nasty way of pointing out my dark thoughts with scripture. The wilderness has been my home for the past couple of years. Mark says that Jesus, after his baptism went into the desert where he spent time with wild animals and angels. In my journal I noted that the wild animals in my life were bitterness and anger, while the angels were our dear friends who have supported us through this. Reflection is not for the faint hearted.
So now I leave the only Starbucks I could find to go back to tilting at windmills.
Godspeed, hope this message in a bottle finds you all well.
Don
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
36 and Counting
36 years ago today, my bride and I tied the knot. Apparently it was tied pretty tight. It is a moment in time that I look back down the trail and realize that the journey has been twisting and winding through tough terrain and sometimes easy footing. There have been chills and spills, laughter and tears, fights and loving, and there has been one single person by my side every single step of the way.
When I look back at the wedding pictures of this very young couple it strikes me that we had little to foreshadow the journey that would be ours. There was a brashness in my take on life, and a long-suffering trust by my bride that I could make it work out. I wish I could say that her trust has been affirmed, but in reality her trust was simply a part of her nature and less a knowledge of my abilities. We were young and strong and passionate about life and each other. I have joked over the intervening years that the young couple pictured in the wedding photos died in childbirth. But in reality the young couple still lives just in older, scarred, somewhat less naive bodies.
We have had our share of fights, some of them lasting months and years. There have been moments when one or both of us was unlovable, yet we kept on loving. At times we both wanted to leave, but the obstinate commitment we both cling to would not allow it. Some of the nights have been long and frightful where we would hold each other and cry into the dark, the storm battering our lives, only to wake to a new day with fresh resolve to overcome.
But there has also been a lot of laughter, at ourselves, at life in general. We have been blessed with kids who love to laugh and have brought us new kids through their marriages who love to laugh. It is with great contentment that I watch around a dinner table, all our kids make fun of each other, kid each other about funny events, mock battles over little things like thermostat controls, how to season food, interests that each hold. It is in these moments that I glance at my bride and realize that this bonus, this blessing is because she and I love each other still. I love it when she laughs at the craziness that these 6 adults and 4 (going on 5) little ones bring to us.
It is the reward for a life lived in commitment to a vow we made all those years ago. You see I think love comes and goes. Sometimes this marriage thing is no fun at all. But when two people tie that knot and commit to the relationship then the bounty that comes is worth all the bumps and bruises.
We are smarter now, a little less naive. There is not much we haven't been through, death of parents, illness of children, broken hearts over disappointment, and a constant search for a God of discernment. Yet, we still love the future. We can't wait to see what the world has in store for our little ones. There is no one I would rather grow old with than my bride of 36 years.
Godspeed to those who are just starting the journey, it is a ride that simply can't be explained. For those who started the journey about the time we did, I pray your journey has been as good as ours. For those ahead of us on the trail, it is a joy ti watch your love grow. It gives us courage.
Don
When I look back at the wedding pictures of this very young couple it strikes me that we had little to foreshadow the journey that would be ours. There was a brashness in my take on life, and a long-suffering trust by my bride that I could make it work out. I wish I could say that her trust has been affirmed, but in reality her trust was simply a part of her nature and less a knowledge of my abilities. We were young and strong and passionate about life and each other. I have joked over the intervening years that the young couple pictured in the wedding photos died in childbirth. But in reality the young couple still lives just in older, scarred, somewhat less naive bodies.
We have had our share of fights, some of them lasting months and years. There have been moments when one or both of us was unlovable, yet we kept on loving. At times we both wanted to leave, but the obstinate commitment we both cling to would not allow it. Some of the nights have been long and frightful where we would hold each other and cry into the dark, the storm battering our lives, only to wake to a new day with fresh resolve to overcome.
But there has also been a lot of laughter, at ourselves, at life in general. We have been blessed with kids who love to laugh and have brought us new kids through their marriages who love to laugh. It is with great contentment that I watch around a dinner table, all our kids make fun of each other, kid each other about funny events, mock battles over little things like thermostat controls, how to season food, interests that each hold. It is in these moments that I glance at my bride and realize that this bonus, this blessing is because she and I love each other still. I love it when she laughs at the craziness that these 6 adults and 4 (going on 5) little ones bring to us.
It is the reward for a life lived in commitment to a vow we made all those years ago. You see I think love comes and goes. Sometimes this marriage thing is no fun at all. But when two people tie that knot and commit to the relationship then the bounty that comes is worth all the bumps and bruises.
We are smarter now, a little less naive. There is not much we haven't been through, death of parents, illness of children, broken hearts over disappointment, and a constant search for a God of discernment. Yet, we still love the future. We can't wait to see what the world has in store for our little ones. There is no one I would rather grow old with than my bride of 36 years.
Godspeed to those who are just starting the journey, it is a ride that simply can't be explained. For those who started the journey about the time we did, I pray your journey has been as good as ours. For those ahead of us on the trail, it is a joy ti watch your love grow. It gives us courage.
Don
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