Tuesday, January 8, 2019

The Littles

We are not sure why our youngest daughter and her husband decided to foster kids. They have two of the best ones around (before my other two kids call representing my other 5 grand kids, they are included in the "best"). Our daughter is a 2nd grade teacher, so there are plenty of other kids to keep her attention. Both of her kids are involved in all the normal school activities, church, friends, sports, and dance. They even have a dog and cat. So there is plenty to keep them busy and tired.


But somewhere along the way they decided that they needed to do something. They saw something I had never seen. So classes were taken, house was brought up to state requirements, grandparents were trained and less than 24 hours after getting their certification they had a placement. That should indicate the level of need. No warm up, no waiting around, no anticipation. They got the word and at midnight they received their first placement. He stayed 2 months, endeared himself to all of us, became a great little buddy to our 9 year old grandson and broke all our hearts when he went to live with an aunt. When he left our grandson cried for a time, then asked his mother, "When are we going to do it again?" And asked if he really wanted to he said, "Yes, I'm ready." So we wiped our tears away, all put our big boy pants on and followed the maturity of a 9 year old and forged on to the new ones.

There have been others since that first one. A 2 year old who spoke zero English, a baby for a weekend, a preemie that has stayed for months and has wormed her way into our lives and hearts. These are the ones that society has attempted to discard. They are the ones that statistics will say 1 in 5 will end up in prison and rehab. Some will never leave the system, some will struggle from now on with the nagging doubt that at some point they will be abandoned.. again.

Truthfully I had never even thought about the cast-aways in our society. They were there, but never here. It never occurred to me that a 2 year old would raid the freezer compartment in the house and eat whatever he could find, frozen vegetables, ice cream, whatever was there. At 2 years old he had developed the skills of a scavenger. And I had blithely moved through my life never understanding the depth of their abandonment, or considered the emotional trauma this has caused. My wealthy, white, affluent, entitled life had never considered that there was a strata of society that could open a freezer and dig out a pack of frozen corn and hide it away waiting for the inevitable future missed meal or days of meals.

When I talk about this journey of my youngest with others their response is almost universal, "I could NEVER do that! I wouldn't be able to let them go!" And while I understand that sentiment it has occurred to me that the real point is that it is not about you or me. It is about those in our society that need, desperately, a place and moment of safety and comfort and love. That for a moment in their sometimes very short lives they do not have to live on the fringe and scavenge for life. I was holding the most recent placement not long ago, late at night while she slept. I whispered to her that she was the luckiest little girl I knew. She had not been aborted, she had not been thrown in a dumpster, she had survived an impossibly premature birth, and last and certainly not least she had been fostered by some of the best people I know. People who had fed her, clothed her, loved her, snuggled her, gave her the safest, warmest home imaginable. She was a lottery winner.

So I wish we could politicize this need. Then we would have people show up and help. This new chapter for all of us has re framed the pro-life, pro-choice debate for me. I have found that pro-lifers are not really pro life, they are anti-abortion. If you want to prove you are pro life, take the courses, remodel your home, change your schedule, lose sleep, get spit up on, and never ever condemn the mother of the baby who ran out of choices and time. And I have found the same to be true of pro-choice, allow all to have a choice, a choice to live safe and warm and fed and loved. Take the same classes and make the same sacrifices.

We live in a harsh and demanding world. It is unrelenting in its attack on the weakest and most vulnerable. It is clear that politics and rhetoric and opinions are useless to protect the littles. If we are truly a "christian nation" would this not be our first priority? I read somewhere in the old book that true religion is pretty simple, take care of the orphans and the widows. I am coming to understand in my maturing years that that scripture is not talking about the church on the corner, but the church in my home.

Godspeed to the foster parents, grandparents, foster friends, and especially those huge hearted foster brothers and sisters. You show us all what is good and all that we can hope for.

1 comment:

Sue said...

Hi, Don - I so agree with your thoughts on those who are "pro life". It is a lifetime commitment, not just at the point of conception.

Enjoying your thoughts on your journey.

Sue