Learning the New Normal

Last week on Thursday I had another episode of A-fib. In retrospect I probably ignored a lot of the classic symptoms and plowed through my week, building to a panic-stricken run to the ER. And as usual, when I was describing recent activities, diet, sleep, and poor health symptoms, my bride went from concerned to annoyed that I had let it get this far. Let me say right here that she was correct, she should have been annoyed, this was risky behaviour that impacts her life as well as mine. As we sped to the ER, pain overwhelming, I was desperately hoping that I didn't lose consciousness, wondering to myself, "Is this it? Is this how it ends?" the only emotion I can remember is remorse over putting my bride through this. So, early in this post is an apology to my bride, my companion, the only true constant in my life, I am sorry.

With that said, there have been some changes made. There is a new normal.

First of all, there is a deep-seated realization that this is now a real possibility in my life. There aren't three strikes, there are only two. First occurrence is listed as a "lone event" A-fib. You have two episodes, even a year apart, and now it is "chronic A-fib" I think this criteria is a little narrow, but the medical establishment is a pretty tedious bunch. I don't get any mulligans.Apparently they impose both stroke and distance. Now every time I don't feel well I have to consider that this might be another onset. For the past 20+ years I have lived with the panic just below the surface that my eldest daughter will call and say the C is back. Now that panic has to be applied to my "condition" While this is not a panic to me, it is to my bride and I have to apply the same standards to myself. So below all the events of my life is this ugly little toad sitting in my garden, waiting to make an appearance at the least opportune moment. My life has taken on a new normal.

Secondly. Now I have to take a little pill every day. A teeny-tiny little pill. A minuscule reminder that this heart deal could pop up any moment. Every. Single. Day. I have been taking vitamins every day for years, so it shouldn't be a big deal. Right? But who knows what vitamins do anyway, except make you gag every once in a while. But this little, tiny pill speaks to me every morning, "Hey, moron, you ignore me and I will get even." Stupid pill. But I have taken it everyday since last Friday. I can do this. I owe it to my bride.

C. I love this joke...watch Home Alone. This normal now makes me analyze everything I do. When I work out, I can't get my heart rate over 120. Is this normal? Is this what it is supposed to be? Should I work harder? or back off? It is some help that almost none of the workout equipment in hotels monitors correctly, so I just turn on my inner listening device and rate how hard this exercise should be and how long. So far so good.
Now at 58 I am watching a little better what I eat. Over the past 10 years or so I have slowly cut out fried stuff and high fat, not health, they just made me feel poorly. Now I watch it more closely. One week in,  nothing white after 6PM...well, the Pinot Grigio, but that really doesn't count.
Sex...none of your business.

Some of us mature more slowly than others. Perhaps a lot of you have made these adjustments, but it is new to me. But I am going to adjust. I owe it to my bride and my three kids, my three in-law kids, my five (soon to be six) grand kids. I read somewhere a long time ago.."Live long enough to be a problem to your kids" I plan to.

Godspeed, how the journey is traveled has changed a little, but not the joy of it.
Don