The Moment

I have spent the last two days trying to decide how to communicate this entry. On the one hand, I don't want to throw anyone under the bus, but on the other hand this moment I want to share hits a critical understanding of our current state of affairs in Christian worldview movement.

Here is what I am talking about. The "preacher/senior minister/pulpit guy" has for years suffered from a hip deterioration due to a motorcycle accident from his misspent youth (he is open about his rascally ways as a young man, so I am not gossipping) Well, the hip has been replaced several times, he spends months on crutches, he has always walked with a noticeable limp, it is what the doctors refer to as "chronic." As in, they can't fix him to the point where he walks normally or lives day-to-day without pain. Over the past several months this condition has deteriorated to the point where he can't get out of bed without dislocating the hip, which has happened numerous times in the past few weeks.

All that said to focus on the response of the congregation. They have applied additional prayer and fasting to his situation in the hope that he will be healed and restored to the pulpit. It hasn't happened. In fact, he has gotten worse (he is probably tempted to ask everyone to ease up on the prayer because it is killing him!) But he and I have spoken several times about the hand of God in all this, and his timing and his purposes. As frustrating as it may be, the preacher is dealing pretty well with the results of his faith.

This past Sunday a man got up to lead a prayer and in essence called God to account for not answering the prayers as we have offered them. Bold move, but I loved the honesty of his frustration and care for his friend. You see I have been there numerous times over the past 30 years or so. I watched my mother, who was a deeply committed believer, die of cancer. There have been uncountable moments praying for my eldest daughter who is a three-time cancer survivor. My only grandaughter has a congenital heart defect that must be surgically repaired early next year. My grandson from my youngest daughter was born with a birth defect that demanded major surgery followed by a month long stay in NICU. Watching my son and daughter-in-law lose hope and joy as they struggled for years to start their own family. So the kneeling position of heartbroken prayer is one that I am long accustomed to.

But the God that I serve has bigger plans than making my life easier. He makes it clear from the beginning that he will sacrifice anything to accomplish his purposes, from allowing my mother to suffer and die, to allowing my daughter to learn realities that most young women do not struggle with, to breaking my heart over my grandaughter and grandson, to realize that my son and his bride might face a future that they dreaded, and yes, to having his son murdered for the sake of his mission. Once we understand this single concept it changes our theology about this world, about our suffering, and about our place in it. This development of this particular theology takes years, years of thought and meditation, years of heartbreak, and years of pursuing the discernment that only God can provide.

So as I sat there and watched this man articulate his frustration, I was overwhelmed with the desire to make my way to his side and explain that our small view of how each situation may not fit into the overall plan. God's approach is not always a "cause and effect". That the only guarantee for us is that we will suffer, but will be given the opportunity to do so with dignity, with honor, and with others. The response was fully formed and would have been delivered with as much empathy as I had. Where are the "elders" of this group? Do they not feel the prompting that I do? I am no longer viewed as spiritual guide by this group, it is not my place. Is there not one of them that can lovingly articulate the teaching moment?


Now the moment is gone, never to be retrieved. We only get moments like these to teach every once in a great while. Why did I not jump to my feet when prompted to do so? Mostly my pride kept me from it, this group had rejected me and my ministry years before, so I withheld the wisdom that God placed in my life. I made a mistake. Where were the guys that ARE designated as the "shepherds/elders"?

This is what is wrong with the christian movement as we know it. The adherents are not well versed in the theology of God's mission. The leaders are more concerned about organization than maturation. Those of us who have tried and been rejected are not responding to the prompting of the Spirit because we have been wounded and refuse to place ourselves in that position again. We all dropped the ball.

I hate self awareness.

Godspeed, a little wrong turn on the journey. It happens.
Don