Wedding Day

This past Saturday I "officiated" a wedding here in Texas..outside. Okay, it was supposed to be at 10AM (which became 10:20AM) and was in the cool part of the day. The evening before we ran through the rehearsal and were assured that the big pecan tree would provide shade for one and all. I looked up at this old giant of a tree and felt somewhat assured that the ceremony would at least be tolerable.

The rehearsal was almost normal, but the bride's family are all actors and singers. Let me just say that they have both a different standard and a higher tolerance for the practicing of the event. We ran through it three times and were going for a fourth time with soundtrack, but the sound tech couldn't get everything working and the 100 degree heat was taking a toll. And the BBQ was getting cold.

Day of wedding, I'm there early in my long-sleeve shirt and tie. The mother of the bride is flying around trying to get things done, my sweet wife and our friends are trying to help, doing whatever needs to be done. The father of the bride is greeting guests, running around getting whatever needs to be done. As the officiant I am sitting stoked up on pain killers because of my back and patiently waiting for 10AM.
At 9:40 I take my place on the front row..and waited..and waited..and waited. Finally the groom takes his place at the front and we watch as the mothers of the bride and groom are seated. Then the groom and I take our places and realize only in that moment that the only sunlight getting through that big, old pecan tree is a shaft of light directly on the groom and I. As the attendants took their places, all were in the shade. The bride made her entrance took her place..in the shade. The temp had now soared well over 95 and the groom and I slowly cooked. In that 30 minute ceremony I paid for all the sins of igniting fire ants on the sidewalk with a magnifying glass as a kid. The sweat ran down out of my hair, past my glasses, onto the my notes. The groom was having the same problem. I thought about telling him if he can't stand the heat..etc. Seemed like the wrong time.

They were married in fine fashion. My bride and I accepted the invitation to spend the rest of the day in our friend's swimming pool. Had some great peasant pasta that evening and crashed as soon as we got home.

So why do we place such pressure on the event of a wedding? Every time I perform a ceremony there is a little trepidation. There is simply no way to tell the couple how hard/unexpected/fun/trying/fulfilling/frightening this entire marriage deal is. They wander into it thinking theirs will be the one that will fall into the health/wealth/goodtimes side only. It isn't until later that they usually get a lot of sickness/poor/hardtimes that test their core. Part of the ceremony speech was trying to convey that love will not save their marriage..commitment will be the only thing that will save them. Most folks don't agree with me, but I am telling you love comes and goes, is good and is absent. If you do not have the mindset that you will dig your heels in and fight, then you will not make the entire journey together. I am filled with trepidation because I feel a responsibility to them. I want them make it. I want them to have some sense of what it means to live faithfully with one other person for 10 years and 20 and 30 and 40, until only the inevitable end in death can pull your hands and hearts apart.

Will they make it? I don't know, it depends on how tough they are. I have put words in their ears, I hope those words sink down to their hearts.

Godspeed, if you have traveled this road for years with another, hug them, it is rare these days.
Don