Do Not Be Afraid

Several years ago my brother, Randy Jolly, published a book of the same title. I contributed  a chapter as well as my oldest daughter, along with other friends and acquaintances. It is a book with each chapter telling a story of pain and fear and loss of innocence. But the point of the book was the constant exhortation by the creator in the old book to not be afraid. Life throws us into the storm daily and we must find a way to hang on and live and enjoy the journey, even while the storm rages around us.

This past weekend my bride and I made our way north to OK City for the Memorial Run. It is the run to remember those killed in the federal building bombing 18 years ago. This year it comes on the heals of the Boston Marathon bombing which added another emotional level to the event. We arrived to join my oldest daughter and her family. They were all participating in the 5K, as was my bride and myself.

The marathoners go out first, then the 1/2 marathoner, then the 20,000+ 5kers. We were smack in the middle of the mob getting ready to run. As we stood in the middle of the street, packed in like sardines, in  the chilled morning air, it was hard not to think of the devastation a similar bombing could have on a crowd packed this tightly. But the race announcer asked for 168 seconds of silence and remembrance for those lost just a few short years ago. I wrote about the impact of that memorial in my blog last year (May 1, 2012, Emotional Journeys)  and the impact is with me still. As I stood in silence in the early morning dark on that Oklahoma street, with only the thup-thup-thup of the police helicopters overhead making the only sound, it occurred to me that winning over fear has little to do with whether I won the race, or even finished the race. But it had a great deal to do with me standing there, bunched in tightly with my bride, my eldest daughter, grandson number 1, granddaughter number 1 and son-in-law number 1. I had a great deal to lose if someone with evil intent chose that moment to mete out that particular form of hatred. And this only a block or so from where it had occurred before. Personal loss for me is not my life, but the lives of those around me who  cherish so much. Fear for them was the greater emotion.

So how do we conquer fear? I'm not sure. I think it has to do with not allowing it to control what we do or what we avoid. I ran the race with this precious boy,

 

 

 



And he ran with me almost every step of the way, chattering a one-sided conversation to my huffing and puffing. I had not trained for this due to some minor surgery, but I would not trade the moment for all the pain that occurred during the run. But the real purpose of the moment for me was the old truth and the new realization that I can't let fear decide what eternal moments I will receive and what I will miss. On the last turn, when the big, green finish line sign showed up, I turned him loose to sprint to the end. There was no gas left in my tank, and I realized with deep emotional pride that the boy ran with me because he wanted to, not because our pace matched. It is these moments when I refuse to let the demon known as Fear decide what joy I will receive in this life.

 

The journey or race we run is decided by what we do, not what we don't do. The creator allowed me this moment and it was good.

 

Godspeed to those who choose to run, and choose to beat Fear at its own game.

Don