Carpe Diem

Seize the Day. This past weekend we were able to make it all the way to the prairie that my eldest daughter calls home. We will delivering a piece of furniture that had no place at our house and my son-in-law wishes had no place at theirs. We brought back a load of children's clothes to share with the other daughter and daughter-in-law. I spent the weekend trying to convince my son-in-law that it was a fair deal. He was not convinced.

Over the weekend I caught a little glimpse of times past as I watched my eldest grandson interact with his parents. This is a strong-willed child. He is sweet, contrary, focused, willful, active, competitive, smart, and he is standing on the cusp of being 10. What struck me about this weekend is that it reminded me that kids, boys in particular, go through stages where different people have different levels of influence on them.

I think that my daughter and s-i-l have structured much the same dynamics as most families. My daughter has done most of the lifting in discipline and care-giving and calling in the s-i-l when necessary. This seems to be a universal approach, at least it was when my bride and I were going through the on-the-job-training of raising kids. When all children are little, they want their mommas.

But I noticed the very beginnings of a shift. Getting the grandson to get up and get dressed is a formidable task. He wants to sleep or play or huddle by the fireplace (can't say I blame him on the last deal) and drags his feet doing what needs to be done. Breakfast was over, and his mom had gone to get dressed with the parting instructions to Eli to get up and get ready for church. He dawdled over his breakfast until his dad leaned over him and quietly said, "You've been told to get up and get dressed, get moving before you get in trouble."
And he moved. He doubled the time to get dressed, because he had to lie on the floor in front of the fireplace (have you tried to get dressed while prone? it does not look easy) But he got up and got dressed.

Here is my point (mostly to you dads out there) There is a moment from age 9 to 14 where the person with the most influence in the lives of these soon-to-be men are their daddies. We don't get a big window of opportunity. Before 9, they belong to their mothers, after 14 they listen to no one. But in that span while not little boys, and not hormonal, we as dads get to put our fingerprints on the men they will be.

This cannot be done heavy handed. It takes grace and patience, it takes living a life of example, it takes focus. I wish I could say I did all those things. My guess is that I hit a few and missed a lot. But the point is that in  that all too brief period of time, it is us dads who have the influence. We need to step up and exert the discipline, the guidance, the path that these old boys or young men take. No one else can do it. They want to become Dad. They will want to do what we do, backpack, run, golf, treatment of others, pray, study. It is in this moment that they will either learn to be strong, compassionate men, or they will learn to pursue their own desires, their own way...and they learn it from us.

And they will be judged as men on the strength of our training.

So dads, take the reins, teach your children well. Moms, help this work by supporting both the dads and the sons. Grandparents, use this moment to provide perspective. They all will need it.

Godspeed to the men who are dads and the sons who they will raise. Seize the day, seize the moment.It is gone all too soon.
Don