Tolerances

Most of the hotels I stay in are the of the stripe that offer a continental breakfast. It is getting to the point that I can't remember where I'm staying because the breakfasts are all the same. Every one of them has a cereal counter, a small fridge with yogurt, milk, boiled eggs, and cream cheese. A station with bagels, English muffins, and a variety of danish-type pastries, and muffins. Recently they have all added the waffle maker. I don't know who the salesman is for the waffle maker, but I need on my team. They are everywhere.

Summer brings out the best variety of guests. Young families, with the kids chowing down on fruit loops, mom looking like she has been up all night, and dad looking like the office desk is already an appealing escape. Business men, like me, have taken to grabbing our bagel and retreating to the room. Old couples carrying on their bickering at full volume so we can all see what the "golden years" will look and sound like.

Yesterday I had wandered down to the breakfast area to snag my coffee and decided to toast a bagel, which needed cream cheese. I put the bagel in toaster and moved over the fridge to grab a round of cream cheese. A young mother had parked herself in front of the little fridge while helping her daughter doctor up the waffle. Patiently, I stood there thinking they would finish their business and move on down the counter. As my patience began to wane, an old women elbowed her way past the young mother and claimed in a very loud voice, " I've got to get more milk!" Pushing the young mother aside, opening the door and grabbing a carton of milk. I was a little stunned, but seeing the opportunity, I grabbed my cream cheese at the same time. It was at this moment that I caught a glimpse of the young mother. The look on her face said she had moved from being stunned to outraged. I smiled at her and said, "Thanks" and lifted my cream cheese to indicate that I had needed to get into the fridge as well.

As I munched my bagel in my room it occurred to me that the intolerance's we should focus on are the small ones. We can't diffuse the world's big intolerance's. I can't persuade you to be racially tolerant because I have a little stripe of that myself. Sexual orientation intolerance is eroding as the younger generation has decided it doesn't matter and they know full well they can outlast us. Political intolerance will give way to daily grind, it is hard to hold that grudge when the boss is demanding your attention. But the small intolerance's, my impatience with the young mother, the young mother's exasperation with the old woman, the old woman's lack of tolerance apparently for waiting one's turn, is the gist and grind of our day. It seems to me that if we can find a way to tolerate the inconsideration, the rudeness, thoughtlessness, inattention of others, then we have truly found tolerance.

It may be as simple as letting it go. To not be combative in all that we do. I have found in a couple instances in my life that if I simply don't think about it, it doesn't bother me quite so much. Sometimes it simply means reframing our view. I can look at another person and say, " I think he/she is mentally ill."  I would never mistreat or be intolerant of a mentally ill person. So in my head (due to my vast medical training) I can reframe my view and be much more tolerant about someone, who in the past had driven me nuts...wait, not nuts...umm driven me to distraction. I accomplished this a couple of years ago with organized church. I go, I sing, I pray, I fellowship. I don't interact on an organizational level. It has made me a bit more tolerant of all the tomfoolery that used to make me so angry.

Tolerance is the ability to reframe the person or situation in a way that gives us, you and me, peace of mind. It offloads the angst of the situation from our minds and hearts. It is the very simple act of giving the other person or group a break. We let it go.

Godspeed, the journey is ongoing, hopefully the pack is a little lighter.
Don