Bumpy Roads

As this journey continues I find that my role in the lives of those around me is changing. 8 years ago when my first grandson was born, it occurred to me that my generation was no longer the generation of focus. This focus now belonged to my kids. They are now the ones who have responsibility for more than one generation. They have primary responsibility for the generation behind them, they are responsible for shouldering the load for leadership in the world around them, and my generation has moved beyond both of those roles. We are now more mentors than management. Our time is largely over to make an impact on the world around us. You can argue with me all you want, but you know that deep down inside that I am speaking the truth. It does not mean that we no longer have value, or that our contributions are not worthwhile. It just means that the real responsibility lies in the generation behind us. And I am encouraged.

This past week has been another week of enlightenment about how the world is beginning to change around us. As I watch each of my kids and grandkids it occurs to me that they are just where we were at that age. They are all wrestling with career decisions, where to live, what to do, how to accomplish their life goals. They are all trying to find the balance of discipline with kids and guilt about shortcomings in their parenting. Somewhere in the past few years they have started to worry about their parents and what to do with the erosion of health and vitality.

So I worry that they worry. Yet, as I pause for a moment and look back along the trail I realize we faced career decisions. We made some bad choices, we made some huge mistakes raising the kids, we neglected the spiritual opportunities because we were so wrapped up in "today", we failed far more often than we succeeded. And we still came out on the other side. We were perhaps battered and beaten, scarred and bruised, but we came out the other side. And they will do the same. I just wish the pain was not so evident, that the uncertainty was not so overwhelming.

But maybe that is the way it is supposed to be. When I ask each of the kids what they remember about growing up, they remember the laughter, the crazy life of breakfasts on Saturday morning, the family vacations, the church events and the times when they fooled their parents (or thought they did). They rarely mention any of the numerous parenting mistakes, the fights over homework, curfew, or car keys.

How can that be? Because over all of this was a love for them that allowed them to grow, to make mistakes, to sustain a few bumps and bruises on their own. My bride and I tried to remember that the goal of discipline is always self discipline. And now as we watch them work their way through their own lives we can remain silent because we know they have the fundamentals. They will work it out. I just wish we could minimize the pain the little. But you know what? The pain is part of the joy, they cannot be separated.

So Godspeed to all the parents of young ones. You are doing fine, they will not remember the same things you will. They will remember the laughter, the joy, the meals, and the fun.

Don