About every three years I spend 12 weeks reading a little book called Celebration of Disciplineby Richard Foster. It devotes a chapter to each of the primary spiritual disciplines, this will be my fourth trip down this path. For some reason I always find something I didn't see before, a new insight, a fresh perspective, a renewal of my devotion to these disciplines. There is always a moment of reorientation to benefits of the disciplines.
It is interesting to me that this refocus seems to always fall into these three year increments. I can tell when I need to reread this little book because of the sloppiness of my own dedication. It starts with the feeling of anxiety about events and issues over which I have no control. This can be work-related, church-related, relationship-related, or all of the above. The anxiety builds because the focus has drifted from spiritual matters to secular. This re dedication is needed because I can track how far I have drifted simply by looking in my journal...blank pages or long pauses between entries are a red flare that I have not been as devoted as I need to be about silence and solitude, prayer and fasting, etc. The journal is like the moments in my marriage when we would not communicate for a long period of time about anything significant, then wonder why we felt alone, isolated from each other. This is precisely what is happening when my journal remains empty. I'm not talking to God and, more importantly, I'm not listening either.
What will happen is that this grey, listless feeling will be replaced by reflection, repentance, and ultimately renewal. The rebound will not be swift, but it will be sure. I'm not sure why I always let it wind down like this. Rationalization is always in play, I write a blog - a form of on-line journal. But this doesn't dig to the depths that I need it to, I can't be as honest here as I can in my private journal, recording my deepest fears, my most constant mistakes, anger unspoken, desires best not published, grudges held, sins confessed. This is not the forum to share my prayers over my bride, my children, or my grandchildren.
So I am going back to training camp..again. I dread the soreness of spiritual muscles not used recently. But I anticipate the exhilaration of entering into the presence of the one who can use me in a significant way.
I hope you can join in. The book is about the only one I would recommend beyond the big book.
Godspeed.
Don
1 comment:
I need to get around to reading Celebration of Discipline.
On another note, I just put up a new post with some poem that I think you'll find poignant.
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