Traveler, Not Tourist

I have come to a spot on the journey that seems like an odd spot for me. For those who follow this blog, or more importantly know me, know that I have a deep love for all things spiritual. It is the spiritual side of life that gives us depth and discernment, maturity and peace. This has not been an easy journey for me. My self-developed depiction of my life is functional skeptic. Which merely means that I find a way function, but have all kinds of doubts and questions and objections. Engineers ask questions of what and how, skeptics are constantly asking why.

But I have found a moment on the journey where I feel I am okay with all that. It seems that the spiritual journey and the religious journey have diverged on my path. The religious journey is the paved trail leading to all the tourist spots. These tourist spots dazzle and lure, but I have grown tired of them. It is like reaching for the cookie that is full of empty calories and burning my fingers one too many times. The pain is real, the calories are empty.

Instead, it seems that I have found a small footpath, overgrown with foliage, crisscrossing through climbs and descents. It is a bit more hazardous, it is not well marked. It seems to come with more pitfalls. But just recently, it feels that I have broken through the last of the underbrush and found myself panting and sweating from the exertion, but stunned by the view. The valley below and the rising hills across the valley hold my attention far longer and deeper than the bright lights of the tourist spot. I can let the backpack sink to the ground and I can find rest.

It seems that God would be pleased with this. I can't imagine that he intended me to be frustrated and marginalized in the organization we now call "church". It feels like He is whispering in my ear, "This is what I wanted you to see."
So I drink it in. I savor the moment. Because you see I still have journey left in my life. My old backpack and I have more miles to go. The path has not ended.

Godspeed, If you are behind me on the trail, hang in there, the view is spectacular. If you are one of the ones that help make the trail, thank you and keep moving, I will catch up with you later.
Don

My 58th Year

As some of you know, yesterday was my birthday. Like a few birthdays in the past it was in the middle of the week, so I was on the road...with one of my reps...in Arkansas. Not the ideal situation, but probably not the last. It was an okay day. We saw a couple of accounts, then drove an hour and half to Jonesboro, AR. It is fine to spend this kind of time with people you know and love, it is another matter when it is someone you just met, you have to be making an evaluation of how he does his job, and you have to fill in all the other time with small talk. He was not the most annoying person I have ever met, but after a few hours almost anyone will get a little tiresome. I'm sure he feels the same about me. But as a good friend of mine says, "I can hold a bear's head in a snuff box that long."

So we had my birthday dinner at a decent restaurant and called it an early night.
I spoke to all my kids throughout the day, got a birthday song from my two oldest grandkids, and a garbled wish from my third grandchild, got some really nice birthday wishes on Facebook (by the way, what is the proper etiquette? Should I respond to each one, or just do one and hope they see it..maybe I can post some photos, oh wait, probably not a good idea) and spoke to my bride before turning in for the day. The greatest wonder in my life is how many people seem to love me and I can't figure out why.

This morning I was having a nice cup of coffee in the hotel, reading USA Today, and just watching the other guests wander around in the breakfast area. Then I noticed a guy about my age gathering his breakfast and every time he turned his back to me I saw the size tag that manufacturers put on jeans and pants. You know the little adhesive strip that runs down the back of the pant. This guy probably shared some parallel to my life. He was (obviously) wearing new jeans, with casual dress shoes and a tucked in sport shirt. Now I have finally been coerced by my daughters and my bride to buy nice jeans and "younger" shirts to wear untucked. It drives me nuts, but the ladies in my life seem to like it. This guy has succumbed to part of the pressure with the new jeans, but is still tucking his shirt in. So here I sit, sort of snickering about him forgetting to take the tag off the new jeans and then defiantly tucking his shirt in. I wanted to tell him the defiance is futile, I know I've tried.

Then I realized this is my first day of my 58th year. Like the Chinese I have decided to name each year. This next one will be the year of KINDNESS. It is going to be my motto this year to give everyone a break. No more superiority, no more confrontations, no more combat. This is the year that will be full of peace and tranquility, of peace-making. The world will be a better place when I celebrate my birthday in 2013.

So I finished my coffee, enjoyed the internal snickering just a bit longer (it is a new imitative after all) then swung by his table and casually mentioned that he still had the size tag on his jeans. I never even slowed down. As I turned the corner I heard him say, "Thanks" At least it wasn't his zipper or something really embarrassing. I might of had to come up with a different banner for the year. By the way, I did see an airline pilot strolling through O'Hare last week with his fly open. Should've said something, but that was last year.

Godspeed to other travelers. Come travel with me, it will all be kindness for an entire year.
Don

Valentine's Day

There are all sorts of things I could say..all true. How great my bride is, how compassionate, how the years have been more than I could hope for, on and on and on.

Here is the very simple truth.
I love her more today than ever before. There is no consideration of a life without her.

Godspeed to all who had the great good fortune to find a life traveling companion.

Beverly, I love you so. Always have, always will.
Don

Bumpy Roads

As this journey continues I find that my role in the lives of those around me is changing. 8 years ago when my first grandson was born, it occurred to me that my generation was no longer the generation of focus. This focus now belonged to my kids. They are now the ones who have responsibility for more than one generation. They have primary responsibility for the generation behind them, they are responsible for shouldering the load for leadership in the world around them, and my generation has moved beyond both of those roles. We are now more mentors than management. Our time is largely over to make an impact on the world around us. You can argue with me all you want, but you know that deep down inside that I am speaking the truth. It does not mean that we no longer have value, or that our contributions are not worthwhile. It just means that the real responsibility lies in the generation behind us. And I am encouraged.

This past week has been another week of enlightenment about how the world is beginning to change around us. As I watch each of my kids and grandkids it occurs to me that they are just where we were at that age. They are all wrestling with career decisions, where to live, what to do, how to accomplish their life goals. They are all trying to find the balance of discipline with kids and guilt about shortcomings in their parenting. Somewhere in the past few years they have started to worry about their parents and what to do with the erosion of health and vitality.

So I worry that they worry. Yet, as I pause for a moment and look back along the trail I realize we faced career decisions. We made some bad choices, we made some huge mistakes raising the kids, we neglected the spiritual opportunities because we were so wrapped up in "today", we failed far more often than we succeeded. And we still came out on the other side. We were perhaps battered and beaten, scarred and bruised, but we came out the other side. And they will do the same. I just wish the pain was not so evident, that the uncertainty was not so overwhelming.

But maybe that is the way it is supposed to be. When I ask each of the kids what they remember about growing up, they remember the laughter, the crazy life of breakfasts on Saturday morning, the family vacations, the church events and the times when they fooled their parents (or thought they did). They rarely mention any of the numerous parenting mistakes, the fights over homework, curfew, or car keys.

How can that be? Because over all of this was a love for them that allowed them to grow, to make mistakes, to sustain a few bumps and bruises on their own. My bride and I tried to remember that the goal of discipline is always self discipline. And now as we watch them work their way through their own lives we can remain silent because we know they have the fundamentals. They will work it out. I just wish we could minimize the pain the little. But you know what? The pain is part of the joy, they cannot be separated.

So Godspeed to all the parents of young ones. You are doing fine, they will not remember the same things you will. They will remember the laughter, the joy, the meals, and the fun.

Don